I struggle with this same issue. My H spent 18 hours a day for nearly 5 months in contact online and for a about a week, secretly on the phone, with a woman he met in a game website. He was so deeply immersed in this online world and so secretive and protective of their relationship I cannot believe there were no love/romantic/attraction feelings involved. After allowing him to become so deeply immersed in his cyber-world (which he says was an escape from the difficulties of real life) it took more than 3 years to start making him see the reality I was living while he escaped into his ipad game from 8am to 4am daily. All the while, I lived in long, silent, lonely days without companionship or company, nevermind affection - he stopped even kissing me goodnight within weeks of meeting her. Growing tired and irritated with loneliness and boredom, and hurting for what was once such a very close connection between us, I asked to join in his game with him. I was refused (which he explained by saying he was trying to keep a controlled environment on the game and I would ruin that because I have an "Alpha" personality that would clash with the "Alpha" personality of this other female.) He also would not join me to play the same game separately from her. In other words, he wouldn't leave the area of the game she was in. He wouldn't leave the game period. He would not spend any time with me doing anything else. My requests for other activities together were met with excuses like "we have no money, no common interests, etc). Other times I was met with a petulant child attitude. He would throw his iPad down on the bed, cross his arms, roll his eyes, and stare off into space and say "Fine! What do you want to do then?!" As if to imply that if I couldn't come up with something better than what he already had going on then leave him alone. And the message was clear: there was nothing in this world he wanted more than to be where he was and that was in his cyber world. I used to be enough that he enjoyed just sitting and talking to me . Apparently this was no longer true. He says his entire interest in her was due to me, yes ME, telling him she was a "catfish" and he wanted to "out" her. Much to my shock and horror, 3 months after he started this "game"" I find texts between them that are purely flirting - texts and phone calls that had been hidden from me but conducted right here in the same room with me. (Talk about being super-deceptive) 28 calls and texts back and forth in one 7 hour period. At one point I saw him refuse to answer a couple of calls. I asked who it was and he lied to keep me from knowing it was her calling. He simply wouldn't answer her calls in front of me but waited til I took a nap to call her back. Nothing in those texts involved talking about the game they were playing (which was ostensibly the reason for using the phone in the first place). I asked him to end the phone contact, and didn't mind if he had a female friend online- even if they were flirty and it was hurting me because I was afraid of and felt I was losing him. He was flirting like a lovesick teenager with her while heaping criticism, verbal abuse and rejection at me. Now, currently he says he was in a very bad state of mind at the time and had never considered how this all looked or felt to me, but he swears by his life he had no feelings for this woman, no matter that I repeatedly caught him lying and hiding to continue contact with her in every way I had asked him to stop and even plainly had told him on DDay "this is breaking my heart". He did not care and would not stop with her. If anything, they intensified. It all only ended when I found she'd sent him a photo of "herself" half nude, that he bookmarked and kept in his device. When I found that, I pulled the plug and told him simply "you two are through". He never chose me once, not for a minute the entire time and he didnt choose to end it with her so I remain 2nd choice forever and I cannot believe that if you so desperately need to be in contact with someone else 18 hours a day for nearly 5 months on 2 different devices -even if they're in another state- I cannot believe that feelings of attraction, interest, fondness and yes LOVE are not present. If you are not doing anything you shouldn't be doing, you should be able to have those conversations in front of your spouse. All their conversations that weren't texts only took place at night after I went to sleep or he would go outside the house or drive away in the car to call her. I don't know if this love could ever be what it once was to me.