Why the Process Is So Important in Infidelity Recovery

Samuel shares insight surrounding the truth that not all spouses want to save their marriage.

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Not having the want to

Thank you, Samuel, for all the work you do on here. This week has been tough for me, as both your videos this week have kind of punched me in the gut. I am the unfaithful, and I have had a very hard time letting go of my affair partner. We're not in contact, but I still hold on to my feelings and desires for her. My wife has been very understanding and supportive, but has also gotten tougher with me recently. I very much still want to be with my affair partner, who told me the last time we spoke that I need to stay with my wife and kids, and that she wouldn't be with me if I left my family for her. I know that the right thing to do, the best thing for everyone, is for me to stay and work on the marriage and myself. I am doing that, and I am slowly but surely letting go of my affair partner. I have to kill any hope of ever being with my affair partner again and somehow dredge up the "want to" so I can do the work and have a satisfying marriage. I am still very selfish...learning to serve my wife and kids and not putting my emotions/feelings/desires before their best interest in foreign to me. Thank you for the straight talk you give through these videos. Along with my therapist and the books I read/podcasts I listen to, I believe I'm on the right path. Just gotta keep going.

sorry for the delay....here is a few articles to help...

sorry my friend for the delay.  here is a series on ending the affair that's excellent:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founder/ending-an-affair-step-one-make-the-decision  it will help immensely. also, it's a process.  it fades with time, effort and proper recovery work.  who is keeping you accounatable about your affair partner, and NO it can't be your spouse....needs to be another man, who will stand with you and ask you the tough questions and hold you accountable to when you're feeling weak or what not.  also, have you considered the hope for healing course found here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/hope-for-healing  that would be another great item of support for you.  if i was your wife i would feel very comfortable with you doing the program as it would be a great accountability system as well as educate you about affairs, and how to move forward.  it won't always be this hard or difficult.


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-D, Texas