You Can Only Run So Long...

Samuel discusses more of his own personal story and trying to run from the dysfunction and how it affected Samantha as they worked to recover from his affair and infidelity in their marriage.

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Samuel,
Another very interesting blog! Can relate to the running in my spouse. I am wondering if you can elaborate on what you mean by Samantha's co- dependency?

thank you...

thank you. best way i could say it was Samantha was codependent, though she didn't know it and i had no clue. she was using me to provide security and affirmation without looking to herself. when i wasn't perfect or when i wasn't all she wanted and needed she would either attack me or she would pull away from me. she was putting me in the place of either God or Christ or (if you're not a believer) her own differentiation. she was dependent upon me to make her feel good, strong, healthy, etc, etc, but then, in a very weird way she would somewhat chastise me if i wasn't able to be who she wanted. it was very tough to navigate through. she would look to me for affirmation, then if i wasn't able to give what she thought she wanted or needed she would then deal very harshly with me. hope that makes sense to you and provides some insight.

Thank you for that response

Thank you for that response Samuel. For me at least, it was clarifying and recognizable in myself.
On a separate note, you mentioned listening to music to help you get back to a good place. May I ask what music that is? My husband likes numerous genres of music, from AC/DC & motley crüe to some rap, country & bluegrass, to swing revival. He has yet to really find a positive/Christian metal or rock that he just really, downright likes. He kinda liked some of the early Petra when he was young, but now, meh...

Samuel,

Samuel,

So many similarities between you and my H's ability to run. He was the workaholic, community servant and social butterfly getting rewarded with attention and positive reinforcement about what a hard worker he is. Like Samantha, I was running too...partly after my H and partly what I thought was away from my own issues. Only I felt like I was running in place as I never felt any closer to my destination. I felt dejected, defeated and exhausted. And as you said, I'm not sure if either of us truly knew how lost we were.

You chose to stop running and face the destruction, but not everyone responds that way. Not everyone has the ability to become self aware in any form or fashion. Or is it your belief that at some point in life we do face up, we do realize what we've left in our wake?

good question.....not easy answer...

thanks for the comment and for watching. i would say that I do believe we all have the opportunity to sober up, but it takes longer for some. not everyone does i dont think.....maybe later in life they come to realize a few things and see the light, though it may be too late with their spouse. i've seen it happen for sure. more times than not. i think people don't become self aware as they don't want to become self aware. if he, ie your spouse, is genuinely open to humility and seeing the light as they say and coming to a better place of humility and brokenness, then yes i do believe that chance awaits. if they simply are too prideful, stubborn, resistant and bitter, then perhaps they will not come to that point. i was faced with the opportunity to not humble myself and sober up, but i chose to embrace what was happening and listen to those that were in my life. i was a broken scared man. i was terrified of losing my kids and it was the very way my heart was crushed and caused me to humble myself, come clean and start life over. i hope that helps.

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