Beware of Self Deception

Leading up to an affair and in recovery afterwards, there is much self deception that takes place. It's the toughest of deceptions and can't be battled alone. Today I look at how to combat self deception and allow yourself to see the truth you didn't allow before.

Add New Comment:


Steve, the comment about when

Steve, the comment about when you were pushing your daughter on the swing and that being a moment of clarity for you, one that you cherished, really speaks out to me. I feel like I can picture you and your daughter and that moment, and giving thanks to God for it. I am hoping my unfaithful husband is starting to view our children as gifts to be cherished, and not burdens bc he "can't live his life the way he wants to" - which I've heard so many times. Thanks for the post.

I am dealing with self deception...

...and the pain it has caused.
Thanks for the video Steve.
I am the unfaithful and have been thru EMSO and HFH. I am in MFL life, individual therapy and SAA.
I deceived myself for so long that when I finally had the chance to stop I couldn’t. After dday 1 I not only lied to my wife, I kept lying to myself. Thinking “I’ve told enough, now it’s time to move on and forgive me.” My deception was so deep that thru recovery assignments and journal writing I was still fabricating everything. How could I sit there with my wife battling thru MY infidelity while I left her alone in the recovery we were supposed to be in together.
The lies continued and now 8+ months out from dday 1 I have given my wife the third dday.
Self deception is easy to overcome but so difficult. If I could’ve just written down everything and with a heavy heart said to my wife, “I know this will hurt and I know you may end the marriage right now when I tell you all of what I have done. But I cannot keep these secrets from you any longer.” And just start telling it all. I promise you that it will bring a freedom so immense that you will be able to see self deception from a mile away. You will be so torn to the core that there will be no more secrets that could ever hurt you again, because there won’t be any.
If I have learned anything from the courses and destruction and pain I have caused it is that the truth is the ONLY thing that matters. No matter how you tell it , just tell it. If you need a support person to tell first and to be with you when you tell your spouse, if you have to write it down and read it, however you can just TELL THEM EVERYTHING. Once your self deception no longer controls you you will be free from the shackles of the lies and true healing can happen. You’ve caused more than enough pain for your spouse. Don’t compound it with more lies neither of you will ever heal.

WOW, thank you. Thank you for

WOW, thank you. Thank you for this.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas