I am in the "stuck" position and although the bitterness and resentment has lessened a great deal over the past 4 years, I cannot re-engage much with my unfaithful spouse. I cannot open up my heart to him. He thinks all is good because I'm a good pretender. I try not to rock the boat anymore. We live in separate bedrooms in the same house. We take vacations and do things together, but I remain guarded. We speak civilly to each other about superficial things but when I ask an affair question all hell breaks loose and he gets abusive. So I no longer ask. I'm know I haven't forgiven him or the AP because the 20 year affair/deception still consumes my thoughts daily and since Dday 1 in 2012 to this past April, I have been drip fed the truth. A truly significant detail that could adversely affect my health just emerged last April. As long as the hits keep coming, how does one move on? Could this be why I'm stuck and unable to truly forgive and be vulnerable with him? Sometimes I think I hold on to my suffering as a protection for when ( not if) he does it again...his actions show no remorse or regret, so I can't believe there will not be a next time....this whole situation sucks.