Thank you Samuel for your perspective. I always appreciate it and it is good information for most. After almost 4 years of pain, grieving, taking AR courses, therapists, and now doing Celebrate Recovery, I think that this is as good as it is going to get for my husband and me. I am 60. I don't have the time left to think too far down the road. He spent 20 years of our 38 year marriage in affairs with a coworker. He's not putting much effort into recovery, even after all he has learned from AR. I have lost all self respect, respect from friends, and self esteem for choosing to stay in this so-called "marriage", and am still angry and hurt and can sometimes not even believe this is my life now. I feel shame for what HE did!!! Everybody seems to judge ME because he did what he did! As if I am the one who caused it. I have been a good wife. Even he admits that. Can't tell me why he did it, except to say " it was all about him". Of course it was. Cheaters don't think of anyone but themselves!

After 4 years , one would think there would be progress, but I'm getting nowhere. Could be because I'm still getting new details of his 20 years with her and a couple of women I just found out about? I don't know. I just think I should be better now with all the work I have done and I'm not better, other than I have gotten very very good at pretending normal. We only talk about superficial things. He never even asks how I'm doing. He completely forgot our 38th wedding anniversary last Friday! I don't think neither I nor our marriage are a priority. He has moved on past it all. Doesn't want to talk about it anymore. He has been forgiven by God. No need to talk about it.

So I have resigned myself to staying in a platonic marriage. I don't feel loved by him no
matter what he says, and I never will again because if he ever loved me, he would have never done what he did and for such a long time. I don't want the lawyers to get everything we have worked for all these years, so I won't file for divorce. More importantly, I won't break MY vows that I made before God and family and friends. I have resigned myself to live my life and let him live his, and find some way to deal with the ever present pain of knowing that I'm not the only one who was in our marriage and in his heart. I am living with no intimacy, no trust, little to no respect for him, but still legally married, at least on paper. I believe he ended our covenant marriage with the first time he had sex with her 22 years ago. Not a good way to live, but I will have to find a way. It is what it is. Thank you again for your perspective and encouragement.

I know this was submitted two years ago. I can't tell you how much I needed this video today.
Thank you!