How Does the Betrayed Regain Self-Confidence After Infidelity? Part 1

Today Samuel answers one of the most asked questions from betrayed spouses about regaining confidence after infidelity.

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Just some points

I just wanted to add some points or thoughts on this blog. I have listened to it several times because this is were I am struggling so terribly in my recovery. Every area you mentioned was so on point for me, especially about childhood pain and trauma. OMYWORD, did discovery open a Pandora's box of issues from the past. And discovery DESTROYED every thing in my self esteem and my self confidence. But one note I did want to mention. The start of the blog you talk about how we (most everyone does this) unfairly judge our self worth by the way our spouse sees us. And I am guilty, maybe I did value that a little to much. But I think we are suppose to take some of our value out of how our spouses see us. I felt empowered by the thought that my husband valued me enough and thought I was the most special person he ever dated that I was the one he wanted as his wife and the mother of his children. I trusted him because he knew my flaws and loved me in spite of them. So discovering my value to him was not as highly regarded as his value to me has been very hard to accept and reeked havoc on how I feel in regards to my self worth.
I hoping the next blog expands on that a little more and I am praying that God guides you as you bring these messages, that each area mentioned is explored, and you are able to offer some instruction on how to overcome or counter act these issues. It is not how I feel about my husband that is the stumbling block to recovery now. It is how I feel about myself.

I think this is a very needed discussion and I hate that there are not more comments.
I am waiting on the next blog like a child waiting for Santa.


I 100 percent agree. This is where I am now also. I've had such a hard time with this because i was confident when we met no doubt, but he made me even more confident. Enough to move 2 hours and drag my ex through court for custody of our kids to be with this man. He lived in a larger city and I could make more money there, have more to do with my kids and having the confidence to do all that as a single woman to be with a man I felt unstoppable. Covid happened and then court drug out for ever and I started a new job during all that and virtual schooled both my kids. With in a year of us moving in with him and all that going on, I find out he's been getting in dating sites, getting 2 or 3 women's numbers and sexting them until they wanna meet then ghosts them and gets more. I know he's a sex addict and has used any sexual attention for self esteem for 25 years and he's doing amazing right now with us and himself. I wish I could do the same. I had to move back to the town i came from because at first he was not being honest with me and I was not going to keep going to court if he was not going to make this work. I told him we were leaving. He could come with and change our stay there. He came. But I now make 10k less a year and hate my job. I have no friends I used to. I gained 30lbs and I want to see myself like I used to when he boosted me up. But I can't take care of myself or kid monetarily by myself now, I have no friends and I hate myself. Help.

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-D, Texas