Seven Pitfalls to Stay Away from in Healing from Infidelity or Addiction

Samuel shares the seven biggest pitfalls couples are struggling with in 2019.

Add New Comment:

Comments

GREAT truth bombs/ How do I get my emotions in line?

Thank you for a great summary and specific, succinct advice. We are 8 months out from D-day, and I (unfaithful wife) am still having an emotional roller coaster ride, which in turn drags my husband into despair over our future. We went to EMSW which was awesome; then participated in weekly work & conference calls. I feel that one big hurdle for me is that my affair ended while it was still infatuation--exciting and fun. Therefore, I only have good memories, good feelings, and fondness for my AP. I still miss him, and when I think about him I get so sad.
How do I change that? That was my reality at the time, even though I logically know it would have ended had the affair relationship met reality...i.e., had my husband left me and we were free to openly date.
I love my husband deeply, and he has forgiven me freely and shown me so much love since D-day.
How does one make their emotions follow logic??
What keywords can i use to find videos or articles on this? What kind of "work" will help us? Thank you for all your videos.-- Bandcamp

i get it....

hi there.  it's normal friend.  it's not likely you'll ever hate your affair partner or despise them.  time and work will help you see how much of a fantasy and escape it was for you...but to expect to have bad memories and all that isn't likely and that's totally OK too.   what's vital is to build the new with your spouse.  build the new life that is going to help you see that you have something great now and have no need to go back to the old.  i think time and continued recovery work will help you detox and move towards building new momentum and new life.  missing him is quite normal and will fade as you do your own work and build the connection with your husband....typically, depending on the severity of the affair, it usually takes a year or so to have the feelings fade significantly.  choosing your thoughts and shifting your focus to other things will help immensely and not allowing yourself to wander around remembering old experiences and memories.  so choose your thoughts my friend.  

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer