Understanding the Process Healing from Infidelity Requires

Samuel shares pivotal insight surrounding the need for the right process in recovering from infidelity.

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Thank you Samuel

I really needed this exact video at this moment in time. I hope this will reach my unfaithful wife...in a profound way

Celebrate Recovery

Hi Samuel! So... my husband was unfaithful and DDay was pretty recent. He was at first very averse to the EMSO but decided to participate and now by his own admission has “warmed to the program.” I don’t know if he will at any time do Hope For Healing, but he has NO male friends or mentors with whom he can speak or be accountable to. I’ve heard you speak about Celebrate Recovery and I feel it would be a good fit for him even if he does do H4H but we have no idea what sort of group he’d fit into. Do you mind sharing the type of group you attend in CR (i.e. addictions, sex addiction, etc.)? Thank you in advance for your response 😊

Celebrate Recovery

CR is open to everyone and its a mixed bag. Women and men are separated and it takes a while to let the process do it's work. If he is willing just have him go it will work itself out. Let him find his own way you cannot do it for him.


Just wanted to drop a note of Thanks to you! I watch a LOT of your video blogs etc. It seems that you can hit on how I feel a lot!
I am the unfaithful husband and have been away from the AP since 2/14/19. I was doing well till she emailed my business email two days ago. Asking how I am and wanting to talk. I didnt answer but it sure put me back to square one in my thoughts doubts that I did the right thing for me etc. It seems she says all she does is think of me. she is 20 yrs younger than me, was also married ( now divorced), has found at least one guy to be with since I said goodbye and now emails me. Seems she thought she could do better but didnt. So now I am totally wondering if I am making the right decision to stay in my marriage. I am presently in HfH and we are to go to EMS this month.
Would love to hear from ya.

reply to Samuel

Betrayed spouse here. Did you share the email with your spouse? Did you tell her it came through,or did you keep it secret? Did you share your feelings about receiving the email? If you kept it and your feelings secret, then IMHO you are NOT ALL IN. If you can't be honest and open with your spouse, step up and admit your ambivalence, get help, and move on. It's not fair to you, your spouse, or your fantasy woman to be doing this again.

You were right

Do not answer her and if possible block her from being able to get in touch with you. You can even block her phone number. She's playing you, she has no one and she wants you back because she's alone. Let the process work I hope you had a great EMS weekend. Radio silence where she is concerned. If you respond you empower her. Saying nothing is the greatest answer.

Dealing with Roller Coaster emotions from the Betrayed

I was the unfaithful - and I'm truly crushed and remorseful about it. Full disclosure occurred last week and there are days where she genuinely seems and states she wants to stay. And then there are days she refers to her new Bumble account and talks about getting away from me and experiencing "new people" to see if I'm what she really wants. The thing is, she's a very confident woman - this has only shaken her confidence in me, but not in her as a woman. So I'm battling these days of what appears to be great improvement, followed by the next morning when she wants nothing to do with me. I've begun a genuine process to change and with Christs' help it will last. We watched an AR video today (we do share these videos with one another and they seem to help, but triggers come and the crash begins anew), about "Barriers to Building Trust" and I was taking notes. Thankfully (not to give myself too much credit, but...) I was already doing 90% of those things and she realized it, but within an hour she's telling me I have to compete for the chance to win her back (implying compete with other, new men). Earlier in the day we talked about her also seeking counseling to help her process the range of emotions (I'm already attending counseling), and she came round to understanding why - but later after watching an AR video on having a process in place to help, she's resistant and "doesn't want me to lead it". I get that, I want her to go b/c she wants to go....but then it gets back to the competing for her [with other men]. She's truly a gorgeous woman - she walks into a club and all the guys are looking. It won't be hard for her.....And this is killing me, just killing me.

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-D, Texas