What Can I Do for Me Even If I'm Uncertain about the Marriage?

Samuel shares practical ways a spouse can work on their own recovery, even if they are unsure about the future of the marriage.

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accepting where we're at

It does shake the brain when I hear as the betrayed that I need to accept where I'm at, but even for me who was betrayed over 30 years of a 40 year marriage, this is the truth. There are moments when I can't wrap my mind around how sick and deceitful he was especially while seeing fotos over the years and realizing he had an AP the entire time, knowing he shared my life with her, that she helped him make decisions that affected me and my children, that her advise to him caused me a great deal of pain. But, even then I had to look at the truth and reality and begin to let go of everything I held dear, everything I thought about him, of our marriage and begin to look at the truth, looking forward to a new life, with or without him. It's been over two years, separated and he still doesn't quite get it because he says he loved me in his own way. I, on the other hand am thriving beginning to look at my life as something new and exciting. There are still moments of extreme pain at all the losses I sustained but there is nothing I can do to change the past.....he made the choices he made and now he and I live with the aftermath. I fight to not let what he did to me define me or embitter me....working on forgiveness and extending grace so I can be free, one small step at a time. Thank you Samuel for all the time and effort you put into your vlogs. They have been so helpful and enlightening!

makes sense...

nuncamas, it makes sense you'd feel that way, and i think part of it is, i'm an unfaithful so if i say you need to accept where you're at, hahaha, it sounds like i'm condemning you or judging you maybe or just being a jerk unfaithful saying 'accept it....accept it...."  but if another betrayed said it, it probably would be a bit more palatable ya know?  i get it.  it's tough to hear but i'm so glad you have allowed me to be a voice to you.  acceptance is key in life and outside of infidelity i've had to learn it what seems like a million times.  i'm learning it now in areas of my life too as midlife is not always kind.  freedom and change are in fact, one small step at a time.  i'm so glad you're here and on the site.  i know it's not an easy journey at all, but i'm proud of you and your courage to move forward after having your life completely interrupted.  thank you again for such kind words.