Samuel
As always I appreciate your words of wisdom, spoken not from a perceived knowledge , but from experience. I would love to hear you expand on codependency and it role in the marriage, infidelity, reconciliation and the personal healing of both the betrayed and the unfaithful. I am the betrayed spouse and just starting to really see and understand the problems of codependency. I am now working the 12 steps, 22 months out and having gone through the HH course and three councilors. I am a fixer by nature and it has caused me so much more pain in all this mess. A week of working on me and giving up my control has brought me more peace than I've had in all the insanity of our situation combined. I am learning that I am powerless over another person and to give this up to a higher power and the control I have allowed others over me. For to long, giving it up or giving it to God ment I had to bury my pain , my wants, my needs and my desires in the marriage , recovery and reconciliation. I do not see it this way now, it is freeing me from the pain of not seeing what I need to see from my spouse and how I let that have control over me. It does not change how much I love or care for my spouse but how much I care for me, and me being healthy. I feel that I am now on the right journey, but would like to hear more about this. Seems to me to be one of the wars within our selves. Many thanks.