After having an eight year affair with an assistant, my UH states that it was “just physical”. One of my major sticking points is why it went on so long when he says it didn’t happen all the time and it just filled a “need” at the moment and he could go on with the rest of his life. He says he just needed something for himself and he “fell into it”. He says he continued because he felt like he could and she was there. He says he knows he was selfish, self centered and egotistical. His intent was never to leave me or hurt anyone - it just satisfied a want and need and it just took him awhile (years) to figure out it wasn’t that important.
I confronted him at the beginning because I was suspicious and he denied it twice. Shame on me for trusting the man I had been married to for 23 years at that point. I unfortunately did not learn the truth until 2 years ago, 6 years after he ended it. Am I wrong in needing an explanation that is more than “because I could, it was there and I needed it”? That he had finally succeeded in his career and decided it wasn’t as great as he thought and just needed “more”.
He has apologized and wants things to work out but I am still feeling like I need a better understanding of why our life was worth all the risk he took to carry on this deception for so long. Safe? Not sure about that