Does It Ever Go Away?

Samuel answers a pivotal question in recovery: Will all this pain ever go away?

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DDAY

Approach DDay 1st Anniversary - does it ever get easier - we have more better days than not but I am drowning in the past - what if, how could he, she had no right...
I read so many others say that anniversary of DDay was difficult - as I was in the midst of my worse days, I would think.. how could anything be worse than this pain... what's a date - it's all the same - same pain. Why is the date so hard to deal with - I cannot turn my mind off from those moments - the moments of so many lies.

absolutely normal....

it's totally normal. there's something about trauma that when you approach the anniversary date, you start to fade right back where you were when you started.  it's all normal and to be expected.  if you'll be patient with yourself and understand what's happening it will get easier and fade a bit.  but, it's a very normal thing that happens.  here's some help from the site for you:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/d-day-when-anniversaries-attack

https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/how-do-you-handle-anniversaries-discovering-infidelity

 

i hope those help you.  but don't let it think you've lost all this progress. you haven't, but it's a reminder moment if you will and will hurt for a few days before and a few days after the date.  go easy on yourself, but don't let yourself stay stuck.

 

What if you are stuck on the

What if you are stuck on the first one, hating what happened? I’m 18 months out and still having hopeless days because parts of me still don’t want it to have happened. My spouse is remorseful and thriving in recovery, doing everything he can to make me feel safe and doing all the work he can. I feel trapped in my body and mind because I want to get better but the pain of the realization is driving me to insanity some days. I feel guilty for not getting better when he is doing so much to change.

its normal mountaineer47....

it's normal to be in a tough spot....have you considered maybe you're feeling the impact of it in a way that's very ptsd like?  meaning some betrayed spouses actually develop ptsd from the shock and trauma of it all and need help to process it.  it's a common occurrence.   we advise some betrayeds to consider something called EMDR for the treatment of ptsd like symptoms.  it happens more frequently than you would expect.  it's not something that's untreatable or uncurable, but it sounds like the trauma has affected you so severely that general help isn't doing the trick.  so i would suggest finding an emdr specialist in your area and also taking harboring hope on the site to help you with triggers, reminders and finding a community of other women to stand with you:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope

What if you are stuck on the

What if you are stuck on the first one, hating what happened? I’m 18 months out and still having hopeless days because parts of me still don’t want it to have happened. My spouse is remorseful and thriving in recovery, doing everything he can to make me feel safe and doing all the work he can. I feel trapped in my body and mind because I want to get better but the pain of the realization is driving me to insanity some days. I feel guilty for not getting better when he is doing so much to change.

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