Let the Pain Do Its Work: Don't Rescue

Samuel discusses how to allow the pain to work in both the unfaithful and betrayed spouse's recovery.

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Thank you for doing these v-logs and sharing. They are helpful. The pain is excruciating. Both childhood from being a betrayed child and in adulthood by being a betrayed spouse. Adultery is soul killing to those in the blast zone, as well as the one detonating the device.

so true...

you're correct my friend.  i'm so glad you're here.  i hope it's helping to watch these.  thank you for being here and for taking the time to comment. i'll pray for you and i hope you can find peace, one day at a time in some way. 

don't give up on you though.  you have value and meaning despite how things have gone. 


As always Samuel your videos

As always Samuel your videos are on point. As an unfaithful spouse I appreciate you putting yourself out there in order to help others gain some insight into this horrible horrible event we have brought into our spouses lives. Thank you for taking the time to share.

huge thank you bruce kent

thank you sir.  it's an honor to do it.  so glad you're a follower and watching.  thanks for taking the time to encourage me.


Still hurting so crazy much

Hi Samuel! I am Always watching your videoblogs and am so greatful for them. I am now exactly one year from D-day and I have a big problem. Not my spouse, he is doing Everything right. He has done recovery work, he is displaying very safe behaviour and so on. The problem is, even though he is showing in all ways possible that I am the one he wants and that he is so serious with us, I can't stop hurting. And I can't stop being angry either. He Always lets me talk if I need, he Always listens, but I am still so filled with this dread that you call it. I am just waiting for the next betrayal. He really is doing all he can, and we have been to counceling together. Why am I so stuck? Why do I still have so much rage inside me? I love him and I don't want to leave him (unless of course he acts out again). Any tips you have for a stuck betrayed would be very appreciated, big thanks!

tips and suggestions....

hi vicki75, so for starters if you're going to heal from the effects of infidelity you really have to have infidelity-specific help.  like the harboring hope coruse here:https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope  that will help with reminders triggers and anger etc.  counseling isn't enough friend, you need more than that unless you're getting help from a true infidelity specific expert like rick et all.  have you done any work on the site at all?  bootcamp, or given any thought to the weekend or the online course for you both?  do you feel like you have ptsd at all?  that's a very real phenomenon when it comes to dealing with infidelity as a betrayed spouse.  very sorry for the delay.  


How to share your blogs with unfaithful

Hello Samuel.
I have been watching your blog on YouTube about a month. I really believe your programs are what we need to start new phase of our marriage. Yet, I can see and feel my husband,unfaithful, is listening because I asked to. We have been married 23 years and have two children, 10 and 13. This is his second infidelity. We didn't seek any help in our recovery when first infidelity happened. How I can approach him to suggest to register free boot camp. He says he wants and needs to see therapist but he hasn't done anything about it. I need to know he really feels what he says. We both want to stay together but I can't go on without knowing he values us the same way I do.


i would tell him that we need to do this and you'd like to do it and that you'll be starting it. if he won't join you, that you'll be ok with it, but it will further hurt you. if he won't do it then you may consider doing and utilizing these two articles/approaches: https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/how-get-mate-cooperate https://www.affairrecovery.com/survivors/samuel/they-get-say-no-life-goi... i would utilize those approaches. if there are no consequences to him refusing to get help, he will continue to refuse to get help. it's human nature at some level my friend. does that make sense?

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I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas