What Kind of Person Will Infidelity Make You Into? Part 1

Samuel gets personal about the journey of the unfaithful.

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Multiple Discoveries

Samuel I found out about an emotional affair while my wife was in a physical one. I'm in the military and deployed without knowing about the second affair and discovered it soon after. We are two months after the last D day and she is slow to answer my questions. She says she is now commited and has cut off access to the AP and given me access to all her accounts and locations. The problem I'm having now is I don't want to pressure her for more information presently because her brother just passed away. I will be home shortly. What do you suggest I do to continue my healing?

34mike

hey brother. for now, i would look into the harboring hope course on the site that you can find here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope  there are military discounts as well if you'll fill out our scholarship form here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/scholarship-application-request   that will help immensely.  also, watching the videos and doing the free bootcamp will also help which you can find here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/surviving-infidelity/first-steps-bootcamp   what sort of spiritual/atheist/etc background do you come from and i can maybe recommend some books for you.  glad you reached out.  i'll do whatever I can for you. 

The journey

Thanks for this video, Samuel. As the unfaithful, I certainly recognize that I am on a journey. My wife is being as supportive as she can be as she processes her own pain and humiliation. I know in my head that us staying together and working things out is going to be the best thing for everyone. The hard part is that, coming from faith, while I know that I will end up in a bad place if I don't trust God and do what's right from here on, but I don't have a guarantee that I will personally be happier if I do that. But should happiness really be our goal? Or should it be simply to serve God and my wife/kids, and just do what's right? Kind of a rhetorical question, but one I battle with daily.

Also, what you said about the emotional ups and downs is spot-on. I met with my therapist this past week and told him I was doing the best I've done since D-Day, that I was getting over my affair partner, and that my wife and I were doing a lot better. The next day, and every day since, I have missed my affair partner like I did when we had just ended things, and I'm back to questioning if my wife and I will make it. It's two steps forward and one step back. Just have to stay committed to the process, and trust...

i get it.....what i find is....

when i ask the Lord what he wants me to do and what he's leading me to do, i find peace and i find answers.  not always by feeling though....by faith, his word and truth.  it's gut wrenching to walk out this pain and hurt and the uncertainty that follows is almost too much to bear at times.  there are no guarantees either way friend.  the only guarantee i think we have is that if we honor the lord and obey him, he will be pleased and that's how i've tried and continue to try and live my life.  i'm so grateful you're here and posted.  thanks for watching.  if i can do anything else at all please let me know. 

 

Thank you

I greatly appreciate your response here, Samuel. It's very helpful. Making decisions based on feelings is what got me into this mess to begin with, so, at 35 years old, I am having to learn to live by discipline and faith. Gut-wrenching pain and hurt...uncertainty...missing my AP...questioning if staying with my wife will lead to happiness...I face it most days, as you mentioned. A friend of mine, one of the only people in my life that knows about the affair, told me yesterday that this process is going to be life-changing for me, and I see that for sure, almost seven months past D-Day. So, despite there being no guarantees on how this will all turn out, I know that I will be a better man, and one that can and will be faithful, no matter who I am with.

Thank you!

This vlog really hit home with me. We are almost 5 years out and I still watch your vlogs for ways to continue changing myself. I recently had a longing for the person I was back then (the good me not the affair me) and wished I could be her again. Then, I realized that that woman was capable of doing horrible things and am grateful that I am becoming someone else. It is not easy. At some point I had to relearn what it meant to be alive. I felt like a person who’d woken up from a horrible car wreck 1 year later and had to start life all over but didn’t know where to begin. Now, I’ve settled into my new skin and every day I try to be better than the day before. Truly, thank you for taking the time to help us all heal from our mess!

you're so kind hope512....thank you

means a ton you still come back to the vlogs.  it means more than i can describe for sure.  it's a joy and privilege to help those in crisis.   it's not easy that's for sure and not getting any easier, hahahaha, but it's an honor.  i treat it as something very holy and not to be messed with.   when i read comments like yours it encourages me and continues to center me on my own journey of giving back and trying to help in any way I can.  relearning is a huge concept that we all have to connect with. relearning what life is all about, priorities, belief systems.....it's key to growth.  thank you for posting my friend. 

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