Are You Safe Enough for Your Marriage? Part 1

Samuel begins a new series on safety in recovery for both betrayed and unfaithful spouses.

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Samuel,

Samuel,
Thanks for the great video blog. We are early in recovery 5 weeks post discovery, already completed a private instensive weekend session with another infidelity specific recovery company, already completed your online boot camp, and registered for the July 20th EMS. These two websites and your blog have been especially helpful. I am really looking for guidance on establishing what is a safe boundary. My boundary for the first 2 weeks was to ask him to move out as I felt it was my safety boundary as I was so initially in shock I didn’t trust either of us to act in a safe manner however once I trusted my own reactions and once I saw significant honesty and honorable actions in him through disclosure and positive steps on recovery I invited him back. My question is can you help me think of another appropriate boundary for safety as I feel unsafe when I do not observe momentum and actions of our outlined recovery plan; it’s hard to observe what I preserve as enough action on his part and not instinctively feel like I need to put back in place a safety boundary like distance so I don’t see it first hand.

boundaries

hi there. i'm so glad you're coming.  thank you for the kind words about the vlog.  some other boundaries are:  no physical intimacy, sleeping in separate bedrooms, asking him to go to 12 steps meetings once a week, or having someone who is an accountability partner that you can call when things get out of control.  those are options.  the weekend will help you identify what is enough action, as it's tough to find that balance of what is enough.  you do have to give up the idea of perfection and celebrate momentum.  the goal as we say here is always progress not perfection.  but i do understand if you're feeling unsafe you want to be able to soothe yourself and utilize your boundaries.  hope this helps you.  

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