One of the Biggest Mistakes Couples Make in Healing from Infidelity: Denying Your Reality

Samuel discusses denial in repair work and how it damages both spouses.

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what's included in denying your reality?

Thank-you for another insightful and quite helpful video-blog post Samuel.

Is it also a denial of reality to blame the betrayed for their affair? Or is that someting else?

A year after our second d-day, I remain tormented over how my now ex-wife blamed me post discovery, for her affair with an ex. She also blamed my anger and pain as the cause of our failed recovery. Is that also a denial of reality?

I find the blame very difficult to accept but I keep wondering what I could have done differently and what I need to own and be responsible for.

could be for sure

hi 1dp.  thank you for the kind words.  it sure could be.  we love to blame to push away our own guilt and our own shame.  it's tough to know without talking to her, but it definitely could be what's going on.  whenever we blame, we're not safe and we're looking to make ourselves feel better.  certainly when we blame we are denying what we've done and how we've hurt our spouse and how we've transgressed our own moral code. 

Denial

It’s so much about their denial. My husband still denying his choice that put us where we are today. He continues to bring up his childhood, my response is after two failed marriages perhaps you should have sought help. Simply, he knew it was wrong, he is a Christian but chose his addiction over all.

Kacee

im very sorry to hear that my friend

thank you for posting.  i hope you can find help on the site and through our courses for your healing.  i know the pain is awful and i'm very sorry you're having to go through it