The Right and Wrong Kind of Group Support

Samuel shares both humorous and hard hitting insight into the world of group support.

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Would you consider Celebrate

Would you consider Celebrate Recovery a good option for my unfaithful husband? Right now he considers his accountability group to be a couple of guys he works with who know nothing of what he did but can account for his whereabouts if I ever wanted to verify. He has done hope for healing but his group did not stay together after the last call and he doesn't reach out to the men in our EMSO group that discontinued calls earlier this year. I think he may have a misguided view of what an acountability group should be. He does have a personal therapist but not sure if that counts....


hi karen. celebrate recovery is a decent option if someone isn't doing something like hope for healing or what have you. the fact that he's going, at least in your situation, is a great thing so if that's what he is attending, at least he is attending something. thanks for watching my friend.

He has done Hope for Healing.

He has done Hope for Healing. I'm the one in Celebrate Recovery due to my unforgiveness .i am concerned that he considers his "accountability partners" as guys he works with that know nothing of what he has done but can provide info that he was with them, should I ever decide to ask them. That sounds more like alibis to me.

Thank you for this blog,

Thank you for this blog, Samuel.

I was able to connect with 6 other women through the AR forum who are in the same situation as I am. We have a weekly conference call every Friday.

We all went through EMSO and every one of us experienced the exact same disconnect in our groups. We were the freaks, the ones that everyone else in the group could say "thank God that isn't us."

Finding out that our husbands had multiple sex partners (some over 100), spanning most, if not all of our marriages, is in a category of its own. The sheer magnitude of betrayal and the dismantling of
an entire married history is indescribable to someone who hasn't been there.

Please understand that I am am in no way minimizing anyone else's pain. I'm simply saying that our situation is not the same. For example, every one of us would be so grateful if our husbands' porn addiction had stopped there. Yes, knowing your husband watched porn is extremely painful.

As someone who is desperate for help, I would like to suggest that when registering for EMSO or Harboring Hope, the following questions be asked:

To the best of your knowledge, which of the following best describes the situations in which you have been betrayed:
(check all that apply)

- Watching porn
- Masturbating online with other women via chat rooms, webcam, Skype, etc...
- An emotional affair
- Multiple emotional affairs
- A physical affair
- Multiple physical affairs
- Multiple sex partners (acquaintances, strangers, prostitutes)

-How long have you been together/married?
-How long did the betrayal go on?
-Do you have young children at home?

I hope that AR will consider asking these or similar questions in order to form recovery groups for couples and individuals who share similar experiences.

It was a godsend to find six other women through the AR forum with this degree of betrayal. but we are just winging it.
PLEASE consider creating a space for us. We are suffering and suffocating under the weight of our situation.
Thank you.

Did this ever come to fruition?

I am in this same situation and would appreciate being able to connect specifically with women who have gone through it.

Hi Samuel,

Hi Samuel,
I know you must be super busy. Do you happen to know if AR is considering the suggestions I posted above ?

Having accountability then back tracking.

Hi. We have been listening to the videos of affair recovery for about a week and a half now. I've known about the one night stand since Halloween. But I never herd his side without getting angry and feeling like it was my fault. We was on the verge of calling it quits when I decided I didn't want to feel like this anymore. We just had our baby in February. I don't want to spilt time. If we can save this I want to. Last week we listened to some videos together and discussed them. I listened to a few on my own some I would send to him and some I wouldn't. This past weekend he finally took accountability and admitted why he done it. It was a hurt you before you hurt me mentality. And I accepted that I wasn't perfect in showing him any stability in our relationship with my words. Only my actions. The weekend we discussed being honest and it mattering on the recovery path we took. He said he wanted to put it past him and move forward. He admitted to all of it. I ask if I could download his data from his accounts and he said that was fine. By that response I started to feel safe again. Until I found a few dating sites and I ask him why they was on there...he said he didn't know. That someone might have hacked his gut tells me he is not telling me the truth and I feel like we are back to square one... no healing...and not moving forward. I feel stuck. I told him about the boot camp but he didn't say if he wanted to do it together or not.. I want to move forward but I'm afraid he isn't being 100 percent honest with me. I feel like I can't correct my mistakes in the relationship if he isn't honest if and why things happened. Please help.

What type of affair was it?

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-D, Texas