I (BW) am so grateful for you. The story of my husbands affair is very ugly. After spending many months and many hours on my knees in prayer, and being so very lost because my husband absolutely refused to discuss, much less acknowledge an inappropriate relationship with another woman. After seven months of this I was ready to file for divorce. Then, I happened to stumble upon one of your videos on YouTube. I do not usually use YouTube. I consider it an act of divine intervention.

That one video, led to another video, which led to another video. I sent him 4 of your videos, including the one above along with:

One of the Worst Things an Unfaithful Spouse Can Do in Recovery
Why the Unfaithful Spouse Refuses to Give Their Betrayed Spouse Details about Their Affair
What it’s Costing the Unfaithful to Not Discuss The Infidelity
Why the Betrayed Spouse Wants Details
Understanding the Need to Detox from an Affair Partner

I hope it’s okay to mention someone outside AR. I sent the following three videos from Hasani Pettifore:

The Real Reasons Cheaters Don’t Want to Talk About Their Affair
You Are Going to Cheat Again Unless You Do These Things
Infidelity and a Search for Meaning: The 4 Benefits of Sharing the Affair

Your videos helped me to understand the affair was not my fault.

Your videos helped me to understand, in part, why my husband may have been hesitant to acknowledge his affair (or any other parts of a secret life I may be unaware of) and why it is necessary for me (us) to create a safe space that will allow both of us to be open and honest and transparent. I did not consider he may be feeling shame and guilt, etc. Honestly, at this point I am not certain I care about how he feels. I need him to feel and understand the depth of pain and despair and trauma his actions have caused me and the effects his actions have had on our marriage.

On the flip side, I have discovered I need to learn to respond to him in such a way he will no longer view me as an adversary, but instead his wife and the best friend I used to to him. You said in one of your videos we betrayed would be gritting our teeth and asking if you’ve lost your mind when you tell us we have to create a safe space. Why should we, the betrayed, have to create a safe space? I understand it now. Without knowing it, I have been trying to do this very thing for about seven months now.

To create this safe space I had to really examine me. I was forced to get in touch with and acknowledge my emotions. The most difficult part was deciphering which emotion(s) I was actually feeling. I had shut my emotions off for so long they were no longer recognizable to me. Not knowing what I was feeling I was unable to address, in a healthy and productive way, my own needs. Thank goodness I found a great Feeling and Emotion Wheel. It has made all the difference in the world.

The upside: Your videos and the videos by Hasani got my husbands attention. It also emboldened me to share, really share, with my husband the danger our marriage in, and in part, the trauma his affair and his actions (or lack thereof) since moving home has inflicted on me, and continues to inflict on me. As a result he has joined me in the 7 Day Bootcamp.

He is working out of state this week. He will be home tonight. He has begun to open up a small bit about his affair (small bit). However, I told him I would prefer to have this discussion face-to-face and not over FaceTime. For the first time since December of 2023, I feel a sliver of hope. I am optimistically cautious.

And it all started because I happened upon one of your videos on YouTube.

Thank you, Samuel and please, thank your wife for being so incredible. As horrible as y’alls journey must have been, your willingness to share and be open and own what you did may well be the catalyst that heals my husband and I as individuals and serves to repair our marriage. The story of you and Sam have given me hope.

**I apologize for any typos or hieroglyphics (incomplete or incomprehensible sentences or words). I am crying as a I write this because though my heart is broken right now, I know I will eventually be okay and just maybe our marriage will be also.**