Tools to Stay Focused in Recovery from Infidelity

Samuel shares personal tools he would use in recovery.

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So very true...

I'm still early in the recovery process (told my wife 2 1/2 months ago about a recent year-long affair I was in), but this all rings true. My wife has been so amazingly understanding and supportive...she's been angry at times, but it passes. We're both trying to move forward. The hardest part for me is pining away for my affair partner, which has caused me to not have much desire for my wife. I have good days and bad days, but I do believe this pain is working for me, and that I just need to continue to work at things and not give up. As I sit here right now, I want to run away with my affair partner. But, as you said, Samuel, there is so much at stake, including the upbringing of two little kids. So I strive to move forward, hoping that my feelings for my mate will return, and be even greater than they ever were.

I appreciate all I'm learning from this site. Thank you.

i get it....

hi anonymousmax, i get it.  it's tough to break free of the bond you had.  it will fade and it will get smaller and smaller, but you'll need to do a few things. 1. continue to build the new with your spouse with reconnecting and repairing.  do some recovery work like the bootcamp on our site, or consider one of the courses or intensives.  2. shift your focus.  if you allow yourself to continue to dwell on the times with your affair partner, it will make it harder and harder.  when you're tempted to fixate on her, as quickly as you can, shift your focus towards something else like your kids, your work, something, anything that will shift your focus off the affair partner and on to that focal point.  it will help diminish the intensity of it all.  you have to do it quickly though or you'll be so far down the road that it will be harder to pull out of it.  4. consider doing this course on the site:  it's exceptiona for the unfaithful spouse to gain new momentum in their own healing. 




I want to take a moment to give you encouragement in what you are doing. I am the betrayed, having been cheated on by my wife twice. So I don't know what its like to be on your side of infidelity, but I do know what it is like to be a man, and what it means to be a man. Keep doing what you are, and working your recovery - I promise you it is worth it. There is so much good that can be had, but first the deceived fantasy of the affair has to be left behind for good. You've come to one of the best possible resources for surviving all of this. I wish you luck, and encourage you to find support here. The forums in particular have been so helpful to so many. There's really tough love to be had there, but there is unflinching support as well. I wish you well.

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-D, Texas