Samuel: Another great V-log. I am the unfaithful and this is spot on. Nothing should be put in the positive column because it is not deserved. The unfaithful needs to make do the work, make amends and show empathy. It took me a long time to really get this. During the EMS Virtual Weekend, I did hear my betrayed husband acknowledge that I had stopped the physical affair. It was nice to hear but not necessary to our healing. My advice to all betrayers is to use the tools (found here at Affair Recovery), read many books, and perhaps get counseling to learn how to be supportive and work on your baggage to learn how you got here. The work is worth it for yourself and your spouse to heal. Thank you for your work. Jennie

Thank you for this vlog! I have been married for 20 years, we have two children. This is my situation and I have struggled with processing it. I would love to hear from professionals on the mental/emotional effects on the betrayed when affairs/addictions are kept secret. The effect it has on the betrayed before discovery, when everything is still secret. My husband (we are currently in the divorce process) believes that we are just two different people and that is why we are not happy being married. He kept an short-term affair secret for 4 years and has a lifestyle of going out partying with friends late nights for the past 10 years. About the affair, he says that he made a mistake, worked through it himself and put it behind him. The affair has nothing to do with our unhappiness. I disagree. I do agree that we have a handful of other marriage deficits that need to be worked on, but I do feel there is a need to address the affair behaviors. I recently heard a podcast with a professional talking about the secret creating a conflict between the commitment to your mate and your gut feeling/intuition. I do feel like this is something to look at further. I questioned whether he was being faithful many times, mostly to myself, and ignored my gut and gave him the benefit of the doubt.

Thank you Samuel for addressing betrayal when it is found out years later. I found out my husband had an emotional affair with a woman from out of state that he connected with through business on and off for about 7 years. His company never sent him out of town so they never met physically although he admits he wanted to. I have found several emails that he had failed to delete from 10 years ago. I had told him that yes it was 10 years ago for him but it is today for me. What was and is disheartening ( although I have been trying my best to work through) is finding out he didn’t want to end the affair. The last words he wrote was “you can’t just say goodbye to me and have your closure”. How long would he have kept this going? Would he have eventually met up with her and left me? My counselor had told me I can’t rewrite history. I know she is right. My husband is very remorseful and through EMSO he developed deep empathy. We are almost 2 years out and our marriage is so much better than it ever was. I had considered leaving the marriage but he has become the husband I always prayed he would be. Thank you for all your work at Affair Recovery. It has helped save my marriage.

Samuel....You have been such a lifeline for me this year as I have blindly navigated the journey of a betrayed spouse without support. I watch AR videos daily and always find something to read that empowers me. My spouse, who is the unfaithful, is currently in treatment for drug addiction. With the limitations in place due to the facilities guidelines of no internet access or curriculum outside their own along with a year apart, we have decided to work what we can together by mail. I print blogs from AR's website and mail them to him. Where I have been running into a challenge is when I find a REALLY great topic like this one and it is only the vlog and there isn't anything I can print to send to him to read, journal or work between us. We do plan to seek further professional help and even join here at AR when the time comes. We are so grateful for the amount of free material available too, as it has equipped us through the darkest roughest days where support has been so inadequate to find given our situation.
Is there a way to get the blog of the vlog? 😂🙏
Either way...you're still the best! Much respect and appreciation my friend! You have truly stepped into your calling.....keep running your race! You have made a difference in our lives.