As a real estate and small business attorney, I have always been drawn to the processes that emerge during real estate and business deals. Emotions run high at the hope of future opportunity in the early stages. As particulars are investigated, uncertainties become clearer and some risks become calculable. There is always a gap between what is known and what can only be projected. Ultimately, the constraints of resources and time merge to force a decision. It is in that moment that instincts prevail and the process becomes poetic. It is also in that moment that the uneasy feelings of uncertainty...
If you find yourself in the first few months of discovery, chances are you are enduring many mornings that you don't see the point of getting out of bed. Your world and life as you knew it are gone. Life can seem empty and cold. Looking back on our first six months after discovery, there were days it seemed like an eternity of pure hell.
Grief doesn't even begin to describe it. Like many of you, we have all endured losses. We've lost parents. We've lost jobs....
Samuel shares a humorous but telling story about his motivation in recovery work.
Samuel has a heart to heart with the unfaithful spouse about choosing their partner.
In the Bible, one of the most beloved, well known, and controversial stories is one that Jesus told of the Prodigal son.
Prodigal actually means
Samuel shares a few humorous stories about he and Samantha's recovery work after infidelity.
Samuel discusses a tool to avoid unnecessary conflict in repair work.
I've had the urge to write this blog for some time, but I keep finding myself putting it off. I know it will take some effort and may not flow as easily as some of the earlier ones. This process started for me when I heard a well-known quote from the famous philosopher, Soren Kierkegaard:
Early on in recovery, I was so angry at my husband for suggesting I have a love addiction. I am so ashamed to think of how prideful I can be. In my mind, a woman with a so-called love addiction had serious issues. I had a stereotype in my head that this would be a woman constantly on dating sites, wearing clothing from Victoria's Secret, or someone completely out of control. This was not me.
I was a mom for crying out loud. I drive a minivan. I carpool. I go to church. I was married. I...
Samuel provides a follow up to an earlier interview with a betrayed male spouse.
Samuel provides a much anticipated interview with a betrayed male spouse.
Have you ever driven in really thick fog? We live near the Mississippi river, where a lot of tributaries feed into the waterway. I didn't grow up in this region (I'm a native Texan), but what I find is that certain mornings of the year, the hills and valleys surrounding our home become blanketed in a thick fog. It becomes so heavy over the roadways that in order to drive, you have to put your headlights on the low beam and drive very slow. You can't see anything. All of the curves and turns seem to sneak...
Samuel discusses how to defeat hopelessness when recovering from the devastation of infidelity.
Samuel shares a tool that helped change his own recovery with Samantha.
The visceral experience of being betrayed has triggered thoughts that consume my mind yet again. I haven't slept more than three hours straight in many months and the Benadryl I regularly take just leaves me feeling groggy. I only have two hours before I have to be in front of the first of many demanding clients today. My efforts to make it through the motions of my morning have been interrupted by my teenage daughter's demands. She desperately wants me to accommodate her schedule...
Today I am journaling about codependency because I truly hate the word. I wish someone decades ago could have come up with a nicer sounding word to fit the definition.
When I began some honest soul searching of my character flaws that led me to cheat on my husband, I began to realize that I am a poster child for codependency. Looking back on my life and choices, I have spent years outrunning being identified as “codependent” to any degree. Part of my...
Affair Recovery is making some changes to Recovery Library Memberships.
Nine years ago, our vision for the Recovery Library was to create an immense database of expert knowledge. A large part of this database stemmed from our Recovery Library Members and the questions submitted for the Expert Q...
Samuel interviews an unfaithful, female therapist, who helps couples in crisis due to infidelity.
Samuel encourages those who are struggling to keep the momentum in their personal repair work.
Samuel shares a necessary adjustment to early recovery work for those in crisis.
During college, I had five very close friends. After graduating, we all moved off to separate parts of the country and began to conquer our small piece of the world. As time went on, somehow, we all wound up marrying women that got along with one another. A few summers later, we all rented a beach house together for a week just to reunite. The trip was such a success it turned into an annual ritual. One we have all kept sacred for over a decade.
The first night of our yearly reunions we would gather on the beach to catch up...
I ask myself this question a lot. I guess it's more of a fear of mine than a question. In a rational state of mind I can answer this easily: of course not. Infidelity is a choice.
No one put a gun to my head and made me cross the line. No one forced me to be unfaithful. And like the source for eye color or skin tone, I don't think there is a "ruin your spouse's life by having an affair" gene.
If you've done...
Samuel discusses the sensitive topic of when betrayed spouses have affairs of their own.
Samuel discusses ways of finding support in recovery work.
"Should I stay or should I go? If I go, there will be trouble. If I stay, it will be double . . ."
I am a child of schoolhouse rock, a product of the age in which skate parks were invented, parachute pants were high fashion, and most of the girls I wanted to date had big hair and blue eye shadow. Lucky for me I made one of those beauties my wife....
Today my words come from a very insecure and needy place. Insecure because I'm trying hard to use words instead of behaviors to show how I feel and what I need. This "voice" seems childlike and continues to grow because it is still somewhat unfamiliar to me. My words might sound crazy but I promise I'm not a lunatic! My psychologist refers to me in "parts" like this, so I am going to do the same here today.
The needy part of this voice is the one I am most uncomfortable with. I have always hated and detested the needy part of me so I constantly...
Samuel shares insight on what the betrayed spouse can and should do when their unfaithful wont lead recovery efforts.
Samuel discusses a poignant topic in recovery work regarding the unfaithful spouse.
Samuel tackles a common question of betrayed spouses who are endeavoring to pursue their own healing.
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Alumnus. Unfaithful. Doing his best with his 2nd chance in his marriage and life.
Alumna. Member, EMS Weekend Retreat Team. Hope and healing are possible for anyone willing to work through the pain.
Alumna. Betrayed. Striving to recover and thrive after betrayal. I believe gratitude is the antidote to grief. If I can help you in your healing, therein lies my own.
Alumnus. Betrayed. Trying to find his way back.
Alumna. Unfaithful. A broken and undeserving mess who is learning what real love looks like.
Alumna. Betrayed. Determined to be positive as I navigate the quagmire of recovery.
Alumna. Betrayed. A soul restored. Encouraging others to keep walking because there is a way through. Author of Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom After Betrayal
Alumna. Betrayed. Grateful for God's love and grace. Recognizing that with God as my priority, I will be okay no matter what.
Alumnus. Betrayed. No matter how long it takes or how hard it is, my wife is always worth it!
Alumna. Betrayed. Learning to love recklessly while I cross the monkey bars of recovery.
"You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." - C.S. Lewis
Alumna. Betrayed. Walking in obedience to God's direction and experiencing a richer life and Renewed marriage.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living life differently, enjoying my wife and family, and grateful for God’s love.
Alumna. Betrayed. Experiencing God's love after divorce. Celebrating the healing of myself and my identity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Continuing to fight for my marriage and my children.
Alumnus. Unfaithful. Living proof that seeking truth offers both incredible pain and amazing freedom.