Understanding the reason behind infidelity is crucial to recovery. Without a basic understanding of why someone cheated, it's difficult for the betrayed spouse to determine the probability of future safety. The task of understanding the "why" behind their mate's infidelity is further complicated by gender differences.
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One of the biggest mistakes...
And the answer is... a definite maybe, but odds are they don't think about the other person nearly as often as you do. The three primary factors driving how often the wayward spouse might think of the other person: 1) the focus of their recovery, 2) the nature of the relationship, and 3) the frequency at which the betrayed spouse brings up the topic of the affair partner. The driving force behind the frequency the betrayed spouse thinks of the Affair Partner (AP) is betrayal trauma.
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Is my spouse a narcissist?
It's a valid question.
After a longstanding pattern (sometimes years) of acting-out behavior with affairs, pornography, and sexual encounters, this is a normal question for any betrayed partner to be asking.
On occasion, I have been asked directly from someone who has had an affair, "Am I a narcissist?"
Give yourself the space to heal within a supportive, non-judgmental community with Hope for Healing.
Unfortunately, there is no DNA sample or blood test that can give you an answer to this question. Even the most qualified...
What does a betrayed spouse do if their wayward spouse is unwilling to take steps toward healing? What if they use intimidation when you try to bring something up?
Whether it's trying to get them to end the affair, to be honest, to talk, to see a therapist, or maybe to attend an EMS Weekend, that refusal to take action, that lack of concern, that unwillingness to take responsibility leaves the betrayed partner feeling insignificant, powerless, helpless, hopeless, out of control, and disrespected.
But there is something that the betrayed spouse can do.
The betrayed spouse needs to tell their partner what they need to feel safe and to begin to recover. They need to set boundaries and let their partner know what's going to happen if they refuse....
Recently, I shared a few of our most dynamic and engaging Expert Q...
Rick: When it comes to sexuality, what do you see as one of the biggest barriers or hurdles women face in knowing and enjoying their sexuality?
Laurie: I think there's a lot, because it's so complex. Humans are complex. Women are complex.
I think fundamentally, there is a mixed message of who we are and what we are supposed to do. We might face challenges that make it hard to understand that there isn't a "right" or "perfect" way. Rather, we get to just "be." Exploring our self-expression, including our sexuality, can be liberating. But because of either what's happened to us or what's...
What's the value of your marriage? You might think it's pretty low right now if you are struggling through the aftermath of infidelity, but give this some legitimate thought. What's the value of your marriage?
I have a friend who says you can always determine what's important to people by looking at their checking account to see how they spend their money. What percentage of your income is allocated to your relationship? What about your energy withdrawals? What would that say about the importance of your marriage?
Another way to assess value is by time invested. Regrettably, most people probably spend more time planning vacations or their financial future than they do planning for and caring for their marital health and longevity.
Yet another way to assess what you value is to consider what you protect. You don't leave money laying around because...
Laurie: Many times during EMS Weekend, you and I get to lead groups of women, whether it's wayward or betrayed. You have a way of getting an important message to these women. Men need to hear this too. What is the message that you tell women on one of these weekends?
Rick: I don't know that I always say it the same, but first, what you did in no way defines you, not in the least. Nothing you did makes you better than anyone...
Has a lack of knowing what to do ever made things worse? You can bet I've found that to be true. For instance, when I was a kid, a few close friends and I decided to go cliff jumping in the dark of the night. Our plan was birthed from watching Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. For some strange reason, we thought the excitement would be intensified if we leapt off the cliff in the dead of night. Can you imagine the rush from jumping off a 30-foot cliff not knowing when you'd hit the water? As you can guess, we failed to consider the ramifications of our night jump!
Hitting the water from 30 feet left me totally disoriented. In the dark, I had no way of telling if I was swimming up, down, or sideways, making it hard to find my way back to the surface. I was in a pickle. After about 45 seconds of...
As a psychotherapist, I've witnessed the devastating impact of infidelity on individuals, couples, families, and extended relationships. The betrayal can shatter relational safety, trust, evoke intense emotional pain, and disrupt the foundation on which a relationship is built. Amidst this turmoil, there is a path to healing and growth. One crucial lesson I've learned in guiding countless individuals and couples through this process is the importance of going slow in recovery. Today, I want to share why embracing patience is not only necessary, but also transformative in the tumultuous journey through infidelity.
Get a plan for healing by joining EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience...
What Type of Affair Was It?
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