Who Should Be the Priority Early on in Repair Work?

Samuel discusses how to prioritize our own individual healing while discussing a major struggle couples in recovery face.

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Thank you for speaking

Thank you for speaking directly to me today. The last month has been a time of extreme turmoil. I am 16 months past the original "D Day". I had actually known if many of my wife's indiscretions over the last 19 years, but she never would admit, even shen she caught an STD 4 years ago this month. When confronted with lab work proving i didn't give it to her, she finally admitted to infidelity. Problem was, she started her confession with another lie. Over several months she trickle fed me more information. A total of 4 affair partners came out, then she stopped. She said it was all in the past, she had made her peace with God and was a different person now, and i needed to just accept and move past it. She has refused to discuss the matter any further.
Immediately post D Day we began seeing an excellent Christian counselor, but after a month she said the counselor was focusing on her and stopped going. I continued to see him for a couple of months until my EAP visits ran out. My insurance would not pay for him because he was a Christian based counselor, so i had to stop going.
In the interim we have sought treatment for my wife. She was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and PTSD secondary to abuse as a youth. She is making progress in her treatment, but we are still in turmoil. Her counselor recommended we see a marriage counselor in her office and we did, with the same results. 5 weeks in my wife stopped, even before we even touched on infidelity.
I have been reading and praying and following the blogs at Affair Recovery for months now. I am aware we need help. I have been processing many aspects of our life, but she still refuses to discuss anything. I'm in turmoil to the point i have a hard time functioning.
Your post today spoke directly to me. Regardless of what she does, i must get help. Finances and lack of time have held me back. Today God led me to open my email and watch your blog. I wil follow your advice.
Thank you!

honored i could help you my friend.

so glad i could help and be a friend.  i'm very sorry to hear how tough things have been and certainly i'm sorry for the complications with Bipolarism etc.  i know that's so much to deal with.  yes, it's essential you take care of you my friend.  it has to be done.  i'll be thinking about you and praying for you.  stay close to the lord.