OMG - this is my everyday experience for 20 months (even before)! Dysfunction at its finest!
Thank you...thank you...thank you for sharing this specific perspective - with a direct, gentle, kind heart as you always do.

Hi. We are two years in and I am the unfaithful. It’s been up and down but more up than down which is good. Today was a down day. I will spare you the details but it culminated in me stomping around the flat, rattling door handles loudly and eventually leaving the flat in a flurry of anger, slamming doors behind me. My wife had no idea where I had gone or whether to expect me back. Actually, I had driven to a local car accessories store to purchase a few essentials for my wife’s recently serviced car (you see I am a good man at heart). While out I also bought a cheap and completely inappropriate card from a bargain store and decided to go for coffee and write the card to my wife explaining what had happened and apologising for my behaviour. On arriving home I gave my wife the card telling her it was VERY important (of course it was – I wrote it) and that she HAD to read it. I retired to the bathroom for a well earned bubble bath after fifty minutes of writing and making sure everything was back to ‘pretend normal’ again. As I lay soaking and relaxing in my luxurious bubble bath this blog could be heard playing rather loudly in the background and I listened intently. We listened together a second time and I made notes throughout. I then read my card to my wife using the notes taken to highlight the BS there in. The writing was full of frustration, my inadequacies, my loss of control and, of course, all about me. In three pages I mentioned my wife’s needs twice! Oh how we laughed together at yet another realisation of what a complete ass I really am! It seems quite uncanny how often your blogs tie in neatly with exactly what is required for us on our long journey of recovery. Thank you for this and the many other blogs from which we have taken so much.

Samuel, my wife and I both watched this series of yours several months ago. I thought I understood it back then, but I am really getting so much more insight out of it today. I am the betrayed, and we are 13 months out from D-Day of this affair (there was another one 17 years back), 8 Months from last acting out with him, and 3 weeks from complete and total disclosure. This is a dynamic that I see every single day in our relationship and recovery. I truly believe that I understand to my core what you are trying to convey - I hope that I am not wrong here. I am also going to REALLY take a look at myself on your next one in the series about how/why I am doing this to her.
This interaction has really kept us stuck, and I think is really the final impediment to real healing and an amazing future together. Thank you so much for your vlogs. I wish I felt secure enough to tell all of my friends and loved ones that are married about them. I think your very hard earned wisdom via painful experience would be SO valuable to any couple out there. Thank you.

18 months of this mentality and I am finding myself more and more ambivilant. My husband and I did marriage counseling but he refused to participate if I talked about the damage he did. We did EMSO and I was all in, but week after week he would do the homework an hour before our session. We looked at the travel plan two weeks ago, and I couldn't tell you ANY of the things on that list for my husband. I am married to a stranger who I have to beg for sex after 14 years of cheating. I want to salvage our marriage, but I can't drum up any desire to because why?! After a nasty verbal onslaught aimed at me (I refuse to participate) 6 weeks ago, he got busy with a personal counselor, 12 step sponsor, etc. I am seeing changes, so I'm trying desperately to hang on. I realize he is just starting and want to give him the grace to grow. Can you suggest things I can do to make room? Currently I see a personal counselor 2 times a week, am trying to grow a business, homeschool, do AA meetings, and meet with a girlfriend once a week who is in a similar circumstance. He picks up on my ambivalence and turns it into self pity. I want to be supportive but I'm not allowed to have any feelings about this or this entire video.