Survivors' Blog

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AR Community Groups are weekly 90-minute drop-in sessions led by experienced Group Leaders — the same structure, safety, and honesty you knew in your course. Come every week, or just the weeks you need it. Reserve your seat Open only to alumni who completed Hope for Healing or Harboring Hope. Eight seats. One is open for you. Why this exists Finishing your course was a beginning, not an ending. For 13 or 17 weeks you had a rhythm: a call, a group, people who knew your story by first name. Then it ended — and staying connected got harder. Community Groups give you a place to return to, built by the people who built your course. Led by experienced Group Leaders Every session is facilitated by a senior AR Group Leader who has walked this road personally and led many course groups before yours. Drop in when you need it No 13-week commitment. Reserve a single seat for a single session — weekly, monthly, or in the seasons when recovery feels heavy again. The same safety you knew First names only. No recordings. A group agreement read at the start of every session. Guided discussion drawn from AR’s materials — never a free-for-all. Pilot schedule Two groups to start. More as the community grows. Sessions run on Zoom for six weeks during the pilot. Each group is capped at eight so every voice fits in ninety minutes. For Hope for Healing alumni Men’s Community Group Led by Rick W. Tuesdays 7:00–8:30 PM CT Where Zoom 8 seats per session $20  per session · pay only for the sessions you join Reserve a seat — Tuesdays For Harboring Hope alumnae Women’s Community Group Led by Alex W. Thursdays 7:00–8:30 PM CT Where Zoom 8 seats per session $25  per session · pay only for the sessions you join Reserve a seat — Thursdays Times follow leader availability and may adjust between pilot cycles. Same-gender groups, matched to your course — the format you already know. What a session looks like Ninety minutes with a shape you’ll recognize. First 20 minutes Check-in First names, your course, and one word for where you are this week. Everyone speaks early — no one carries the room alone. The heart of the session Guided topic A weekly discussion guide drawn from AR’s materials — staying connected, rebuilding trust in yourself, handling triggers, and more. Before you go One small commitment Each person names one doable step for the week ahead. Small and real beats big and vague. Alumni only First names only Never recorded Structured discussion guides Faith-respectful, never faith-required Questions Good to know before you reserve. Who can join? Anyone who has completed Hope for Healing (men’s group) or Harboring Hope (women’s group). Groups follow the same gender separation as the courses. Your registration is checked against course completion — that shared foundation is what keeps the room safe. Do I have to come every week? No. That’s the point of drop-in: reserve a seat only for the sessions you want. Many alumni come weekly for a season; others return when something stirs things up. Both are welcome. Is this counseling? No. Community Groups are peer support facilitated by an experienced Group Leader — not counseling, therapy, or a substitute for either. If a session surfaces something that needs more support, your leader will help point you to the right resources. What if a session fills up? Each session is capped at eight participants so everyone has room to speak. If your week is full, you can grab a seat in the next one — and as the pilot grows, we’ll add groups and time slots based on demand. There’s a seat open for you. You did the hard work of the course. Staying connected is how it lasts — and you don’t have to do it alone. Reserve your seat AR Community Groups are peer support for course alumni and are not counseling or a substitute for counseling. If you are in crisis, call or text 988 (US Suicide & Crisis Lifeline) or contact local emergency services. © 2026 Affair Recovery · affairrecovery.com

"When you are standing in [a] forest of sorrow, you cannot imagine that you could ever find your way to a better place. But if someone can assure you that they themselves have stood in that same place, and now have moved on, sometimes this will bring hope." ~ Elizabeth Gilbert Initially, after learning the full truth of my husband's infidelity, everything felt tainted, dark, lifeless, and just meaningless. I saw him as a person who willingly created this situation for me with total disregard for my life, and my capacity to ever experience meaning and peace in it again, as though I just didn't matter at all. I often asked myself, can anyone really be happy after infidelity? Or are they just "less sad" – working hard to patch up a shipwreck that would never be any good again anyway? In fact, I asked this exact question to a number of "experts" in the field of infidelity as I was looking for hope that there was "real" recovery, and not just a band aid masking these gaping wounds. Every single one told me it was definitely possible to find happiness after betrayal. But still, I didn't believe them. They would often still talk about sadness and triggers, and to me, that negated any talk of happiness. In recovery, I have struggled with black and white thinking, and I suspect that I am not alone. Either my husband cared about me, or he was willing to hurt me. Either my husband loved me, or he wanted to have sex with someone else. Either he cared about protecting our family, or he wanted to have an affair. Either our moments together were real, or he was cheating on me. Either I had value, or I was not worthy of faithfulness. Either God loved me, or He let this happen and didn't care about me. It is the ubiquitous struggle of good and evil, true or false, darkness and light. But some things don't fall neatly into those categories. As I have traveled the path toward healing, what I have found is that where I am tempted to put an "or," there is often an argument for "and." In the early seasons of recovery, I remember just waiting for the time I could eventually feel happiness, when the sadness was no longer present. As I began to slowly heal, I did experience happiness – genuine happiness. What I did not expect was that the sadness remained alongside. I didn't anticipate that they could coexist, and yet both be real and true. It still doesn't make sense in my head, but that has been my experience. I do have moments, and even days of genuine happiness, even feelings of joy, and peace. I never thought I would feel any of that again. In fact, I was certain I wouldn't. Absolutely positive. I thought I was destined to fake it forever. And at first, when it first started to trickle back into my life, happiness felt foreign, unnatural, even undeserved. My inner voice would reject it and say, "What are you happy about? Don't you remember? How can you be happy when this is your life?" And then it would tell me I am pathetic, fooling myself, just a loser accepting crumbs. (My inner voices are very unkind and quick to play on my fears. Maybe you have them too.) For me, at this point, I am happy a good deal of the time. I am also sad often. I am both. At the same time. When I first started on this journey, I heard people talk about holding pain and joy side by side and I couldn't understand it. It sounded dreadful, so I assumed it meant they were just faking happiness amidst the pain. I couldn't wrap my head around feeling genuine happiness without the pain being GONE. But now, I see they do coexist, and in a way that now feels natural. The pain is not gone and will probably never be gone. But it definitely doesn't feel like it did in the beginning, what some of you might be experiencing currently. The pain I feel now is very different. Softer. Quieter, like an undercurrent. More rooted in disappointment, than the searing, blinding, pain that shouted over any other feelings I was trying to have. And it doesn't always feel as relevant to my present life as it once did. That loud kind of pain I felt in the beginning still shows up, but not as often anymore. And when it does, I am comfortable that it is only here for a visit rather than a full blown vacation, so it doesn't scare me anymore. It doesn't overwhelm me like it used to. I deal with it and then it goes back into the box. I don't have to shove it in there like I used to attempt unsuccessfully; it just goes in on its own. And I am content with that - for now. That doesn't mean I am free from triggers and those crushing thoughts and feelings that derail me. Sometimes I lose hope and I don't want to do this anymore. As a matter of fact, I had to pause writing this for a while to navigate some painful stuff. I expect this to get better as time goes on and as I continue to do the very hard work of recovery. This is not a static process. It has required action and energy, and looks different for each of us. We are all unique, so what has worked for me might not work for you, and vice versa. I have heard the interpretation that pain doesn't get smaller, but the other parts of your life – happiness, purpose, meaning, etc., grow bigger around it. I think that's true. I feel more deeply now, good or bad. I feel more gratitude for the good things in my life than I did in the past. I don't worry or stress about stuff that used to weigh me down pre-infidelity. My priorities are different, and clearer. And I am happy with all of that. I am a better person now. More present. More real. More whole. More forgiving (in general - not just this stuff). More understanding, insightful, and compassionate. I am sensitive to the pain of others around me in a way I was not before. I am a much deeper person. I have a closer relationship with God and a much closer relationship with my husband. I still have pain, and I still experience triggers and reminders that impact me deeply. But when they come back, I can talk to my husband about them, and it is healing. This is really hard. There is no way around it. After discovery, I thought, "I can't believe this is my life." Because to me, now this was my life. My whole life. There wasn't anything else. This thing had eclipsed me entirely, along with everything else that used to matter. Now, I can look at this thing and think, "This is part of my life." It is still hard, but it is no longer my whole life. There is more. More that I want to do. More that matters, more that I am. If someone had told me in the beginning I could carry the happy and sad feelings at the same time I would have been horrified, thinking it meant the "good ones" would be forced and fake. I couldn't comprehend how I would ever be able to hold these feelings side-by-side and not feel devastated every moment of the day. But what I'm experiencing now is much more peaceful. Accepting. I'm still disappointed and sad, don't get me wrong. There is no panacea. There is a loss of innocence with happiness now, but also an appreciation and thankfulness for all we have endured and what we almost lost forever. When the darkness fell around me, it seemed as though the light completely disappeared. And for a time, it did. But eventually, I saw glimpses of light and couldn't believe they were real. They were faint and sporadic and I assumed I was imagining them. Until one day I looked around and realized I wasn't lost in the dark anymore. I say this to encourage those of you who aren't here yet, that there are feelings that you probably can't yet understand. Hang in there. The light is coming. You haven't even met the best version of yourself - not yet. The most healed The most fulfilled The most content And meeting that "you" is worth fighting for So keep learning and growing ~Topher Kearby