Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

Hope for Healing Excerpt: 'Is My Life Out of Control?'

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The following information is an excerpt from our Hope for Healing workbook for the wayward spouse. The information has been edited and shortened to paint a picture of the content provided in the Hope for Healing course. Hope for Healing was created to help the wayward spouse find healing, clarity and, ultimately, personal restoration. Along with the workbook, participants will gain access to video lectures that expand on each week's lesson. We hope you enjoy this excerpt and consider enrolling in our next round of courses.

This week, we're exploring pride versus brokenness. Are we in the box or out of the box? Are we serious about this journey, or are we just going through the motions? Are you humble or proud? Do you honestly care how your actions have affected others, or do you feel justified in your actions?

Brokenness is a condition of rigorous humility. It's a place where we recognize that we have nothing; however, it's not a place of despair. Because in our brokenness, we're blessed with every provision we need for a healthy recovery and personal restoration. This "brokenness" is actually a place of hope; it's a place where we let go of pride, image management and defensiveness and courageously enter a space of freedom and life.

Accepting the Gift of Failure

The only currency you have to move from the deceived self to the true self is your pride. But what does it take to finally let go of pride? Does success lead to humility? Does defeating destructive patterns lead to humility? What drives us to the place where we want to live so badly that we don't care if we die? The answer: failure.

Is My Life Out of Control

Failure teaches what success cannot. And apart from that failure, would we ever learn anything? Until you fall flat on your face and accept that you can't do it, you'll never let go. When we fail, we must accept that we:

  • Can't control what's happening.
  • Can't escape the consequences.
  • Can't fix what we've done.
  • Can't work our way out of this one.
  • Are, simply put, "out of control."

Viewing Brokenness as a Positive Opportunity

Failure is not only about accepting what you've done, but it's also about confessing what you've done. Hope for Healing is a safe place to do this. The healing all starts here with your small group. Either you'll get it all out or you'll hang on to some semblance of your pride and image. Without dying to self and killing your false image, you simply can't get to a place of restoration.

Some call the space of "I can't" the bottom, others call it the mortification of the flesh. Still others refer to it as humiliation. In this course, we call it brokenness. Brokenness is actually a place of hope; it's a place where we let go of pride, image management and defensiveness and courageously enter a space of freedom and life. Until you reach this state, transformation will never occur.

Who wants to die to self unless they first determine that self is of no use? Why would you let go until all of your other options are eliminated? We're born believing that we can be our own all-powerful, all-sufficient God: a perfect human being, self-sufficient and never having or wanting to need anyone. Failure is the only antidote capable of setting us free.

Honestly, what good would it do God or ourselves if we were to always succeed on our own merits and white-knuckling efforts? Would it draw us nearer to God? Would it paint a more beautiful picture of the world around us? Would it encourage us to see God, a higher power, life or ourselves any differently? I don't think so. For that reason, when you meet a person that seems to have very little need to prove themselves, the one thing you can be sure of is they've probably gotten there through agonizing failure.

In the curriculum for this week of Hope for Healing, you'll get a tool to help you identify whether you're operating out of a mindset of pride or a mindset of brokenness. I hope you'll consider enrolling in the course. With this tool, you can begin to drop the façade and pursue healing from an infidelity-specific protocol designed for transformation and restoration. I urge you to take this opportunity to heal and get the support you need to start building a truly extraordinary life.

Hope for Healing Registration Opens Soon! Space Is Limited.

Designed specifically for wayward spouses, this 17-week online course is a supportive, nonjudgmental environment for you to heal and develop empathy. Over the years, this life-changing course has helped thousands of people find hope, set healthy boundaries and move toward extraordinary lives.

"The course, in my opinion, is a definite must in order to heal the way you need. It helps you become whole again." — former Hope for Healing participant.

Spaces fill up quickly for this small group program, so don't wait to sign up for registration notifications! You can begin transforming your life today, and Affair Recovery is here to help you get started.

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Being a closed mouth person

Being a closed mouth person my husband shares little about his infidelitiy. Not sure he really 'gets it' how badly it affected me. Now he does as I had a nervous breakdown 40 years after the 10 years of infidelity...I lambasted him with how horrible it had been and how every day I think about the incidents which I did nothing about at the time..big mistake on my part. Through counseling after my breadkdown I learned to go home and tell Him that He disrespected me and our marriage...then she told me to take my power back and showed me how to do it..very helpful. I don't go along with everything he wants to do now...he doesn't like it but tolerates it..I feel MUCH better and feel like I have some power..PS> I am almost 87 years old..been married 63.


This just about sums my situation up. How did you take some power back? Do tell if you would...


Wow! You are a strong woman and very admirable! I am only two years into the deep betrayal of my 9 year relationship and I am exhausted ! I admire your courage and determination to get your power back and feel happier in your life. I’m not sure I’ll be able to stick around as long as you have in your marriage (I’m losing steam) but your strength gives me hope

How do we know?

This is where I am struggling..how do we know when our spouse is broken? what are the signs? If he's not..what do I do? Just wait?


Are you asking how you know if your husband is broken or are you asking about what if he will not accept and admit he is broken? I know my husband is broken but he doesn't admit it. It causes more pain when he denies.

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