Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

Hope for Healing Excerpt: "Is My Life Out of Control"?

Is My Life Out of Control

The following information is an excerpt from our Hope for Healing workbook for the unfaithful spouse. The information has been edited and shortened to paint a picture of the content provided in the Hope for Healing course. Hope for Healing was created to help the unfaithful spouse find healing, clarity, and ultimately, personal restoration. Along with the workbook each week you’ll also be equipped with a video lecture to dig deep into each week’s lesson. We hope you enjoy this excerpt and consider enrolling in our next round of courses.

This week we're exploring “Pride verses Brokenness.” Are we in the box or out of the box? Are we serious about this journey or are we just going through the motions? Are you humble or proud? Do you honestly care how your actions have affected others or do you feel justified in your actions?

Brokenness is a condition of rigorous humility.

It's a place where I recognize that I have nothing. However, it's not a place of despair, because in my brokenness I've been blessed with every amount of provision I need for a healthy recovery and personal restoration process.

This ‘brokenness’ is actually a place of hope. It's a place where I let go of pride, image management and defensiveness and courageously enter a space of freedom and life.

The only currency you have to move from the deceived self to the true self is your pride, but what does it take to get me to finally let go of pride?

Does success lead to humility?

Does defeating destructive patterns lead to humility?

What drives me to the place where I want to live so badly that I don't care if I die?

The answer: failure.

Failure teaches what success cannot,
and apart from that failure –
would we ever learn?

 

Until I fall flat on my face and accept that I can't do it, I'll never let go.
I can't control what's happening……
I can't escape the consequences……
I can't fix what I've done…..
I can't work my way out of this one……
I am, simply put, “out of control.”

 

But not only is it about accepting what I've done, it's also about confessing what I've done, in a safe place. It starts here, with this group. Either you'll get it all out or you'll hang onto some semblance of your pride and image. Without dying to self and killing the false image, you simply can't get there.

Some call the space of “I can't” the bottom. Others call it the mortification of the flesh. Still others refer to is as humiliation.

In this course, we'll call it brokenness. And until we reach this state, transformation will never occur. Who wants to die to self unless they first determine that self is of no use? Why would you let go until all other options are eliminated?

We're born believing that we can be our own all powerful, all sufficient, God. A perfect human being, self-sufficient, never having or wanting to need anyone.  

Failure is the only antidote capable of setting us free. Honestly, what good would it do God or ourselves if we were to always succeed on our own merit and white-knuckling effort? Would it draw us nearer to God? Would it paint a more beautiful picture of the world among us? Would it encourage us to see God, a higher power, life or ourselves any differently? I don't think so. For that reason, when you meet a person that seems to have very little need to prove themselves, the one thing you can be sure of is they've probably gotten there through agonizing failure.

The curriculum from this particular week continues with a tool to help you identify whether you are operating out of a mindset of pride or brokenness.

Perhaps it’s time to drop the façade and pursue healing from an infidelity-specific protocol, designed for your own healing and restoration? I hope you’ll consider enrolling in our Hope for Healing course. The time is now, the opportunity is here.

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Comments

Being a closed mouth person

Being a closed mouth person my husband shares little about his infidelitiy. Not sure he really 'gets it' how badly it affected me. Now he does as I had a nervous breakdown 40 years after the 10 years of infidelity...I lambasted him with how horrible it had been and how every day I think about the incidents which I did nothing about at the time..big mistake on my part. Through counseling after my breadkdown I learned to go home and tell Him that He disrespected me and our marriage...then she told me to take my power back and showed me how to do it..very helpful. I don't go along with everything he wants to do now...he doesn't like it but tolerates it..I feel MUCH better and feel like I have some power..PS> I am almost 87 years old..been married 63.

How do we know?

This is where I am struggling..how do we know when our spouse is broken? what are the signs? If he's not..what do I do? Just wait?

Brokeness

Are you asking how you know if your husband is broken or are you asking about what if he will not accept and admit he is broken? I know my husband is broken but he doesn't admit it. It causes more pain when he denies.

What type of affair was it?

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