Q&A How do I get him to be more interested in recovery?”

Question

My D-Day was 11-2013. We are in a better place, or so it seemed. He showed empathy and even love for me. I was doing better, and we were happier. Then my triggers came back. I got so upset I said everything I was feeling. I felt we were having anonymous sex because we never look at each other. This has been going on for several years. I told him I hate everything remotely related to anything that involved his lovers - the cities he took them, the continents they are from, the car from their countries, etc. I even confessed I am not looking forward to our summer vacation home which we have been going to for years - it used to be my sanctuary -where we were all able to be a family every summer - he traveled extensively and this is where we and our kids got to enjoy him. Now I don’t like it- I feel like all we built has shattered because it was fake- now I feel like I just met him and we don’t have history because he is not the person I thought I married. We did attend EMS Weekend but have not completed Married for Life. I want to do it and he says he wants to, but I feel it makes him uncomfortable. How do I get him to be more interested in recovery? Right now I feel like we are roommates, with just polite conversations. I feel this is Deja vu of 5 yrs. ago when all this garbage started. We are disconnected, isolated, pretending normal; avoiding the truth, etc. I told him we need therapy. Though, we were doing well just us two spending time together but now I see more than ever we need help and couples therapy takes two. Thanks for all you do, you are our angels!

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