I was sporadically unfaithful during my 38 years of marriage and only when an affair partner offered the opportunity to me. When sex was offered, I took advantage of it without thought of consequences, quilt, or shame. I did not take in consideration my wife or children. I was a selfish, opportunistic cheater, never emotionally involved. Since disclosure of all my terrible periods of infidelity, the reality of what I did and what I was is now so painful. I am appalled at the person I was, feel deep regret and am having trouble forgiving myself. Four months after D-Day my wife is adjusting and seems to be on the path to recovery, yet I am feeling more remorse and despair. These feelings and self awareness has made me feel completely transformed. Can I truly be the changed person I feel I am now? Transparent and honest and where were these feelings of shame and quilt when I was betraying my wife?