Rick Reynolds, LCSW
by Rick Reynolds, LCSW
Founder & President, Affair Recovery

The 2 Stages of Pain

I went to an end of the year bash with a bunch of friends during my junior year in high school. We had a great time grilling burgers and listening to music. But two of my friends wanted a bit more excitement and decided to put a cup of ice down my pants. I, on the other hand, wasn’t interested in this type of fun and the chase began. I was for sure faster, but being lazy, I didn’t want to expend too much energy. Therefore, I made the brilliant decision to climb a tree as a way of escape.…
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grieving thru the past

Thank you so much!! It has been 15 months and I find myself still going thru the process of grieving.This is our second  marriage(both spouses cheated) I never thought he would hurt me like this,because he knew what it felt like. We (at the time) had a great marriage and I never saw it comming. The hurt and the pain that this has caused our family has been to much to bare at times. We moved out of state to start over and I still find myself having a hard time trusting him sometimes.He has told me how sorry he is and however long it takes to heal doesn't matter because I'm worth it. He is doing everything right, but I still grieve. Now I know that what I'm feeling is Ok.I didn't go thru this the fiest time because we divorced.This time I'm staying because I truly love him and we both want us to work. The hardest part is wanting to know why! I now know that I will never know the answer because he doesn't know why. After reading this forum I find myself almost feeling lucky that it only lasted for 2 months before he woke upto what he was doing.One thing I have to say is, all the experts say that it's like a drug(an affair) I think it is that person in satans grasp! I know that when my husband was doing this he said and did some evil things! I know that I couldn't see his soul in his eyes at that time. I prayed to God that he would save him and convict his heart.God did and he is still working on us. I'm so glad that I found this site. I feel like God brought me to it. thank you,Paula

Thanks

Thank you so much.  I really appreciate this article.  It's a good reminder that I am not crazy, that I have to let time heal this wound and that when the person who committed the infidelity does not want to take responsibility and does not want to make it safe for me to move on, then I have to move away from him and find the beauty and love that I deserve.  I would love to forgive him, trust him and love him again, but he doesn't get it and refuses to acknowledge any wrong doing on his part.  So, thank you for this article and all the other articles you have provided to us, it really helps me to heal!

Wow

Again, Rick is spot on!  Having lived for years protecting my heart from an emotionally unsafe spouse, you get to the point where something has to change because this just isn't living.  An affair brings all the subterranean out into the open so that you can look at what is for real.  THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!   

grieving and safety

Thanks for this.  It is important to hear that there a choice to make.  If the involved partner isn't doing the work that I can still heal.  The shock of the first year is passing and now the dull sadness exists.  I am recommiting myself to happiness. My husband is working toward his healing very slowly with lots of stops and starts.  We will move toward healing together, but he needs to learn how to communicate his feelings.  I am releasing my guilt, because I can't live in that place anymore. I can't read his mind either.

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