Q&A Do I Just Wait for Him to Decide?

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My husband had a very emotionally entangled and sexual affair with a woman at work for 2 years. When I found out 6 months ago, he couldn't give it up, so I said he needed to live elsewhere. He was over a lot to be with our kids. After 3 months, he ended things with her to work on our marriage, but was honest that he still has strong feelings for her. He's been off work since then, still living at an apartment, but over at our house with the kids all day every day. It's been almost 3 months. He hoped his feelings for her would fade, but they have not. He has to make a choice about work soon and it grieves him to change jobs, which is a calling for him, and he can't decide what to do. I feel if he goes back, he'll reconnect with her for sure. But if I insist he change jobs, he will resent me. I believe he is being honest and not in contact with her now. I have said he needs to make a decision but he is paralyzed. I think what he wants is for me to end things with him so he doesn't have to feel as much guilt for leaving. He imagines a happily divorced future where he and I have a good relationship and we still go on vacations together with the kids. I have told him that is not a future I choose. We'd co-parent, but his relationship with me would be over and we wouldn't share time in the way he imagines. Do I just wait for him to decide? I feel miserable all the time with the uncertainty, and I feel like he has all the power.



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