Q&A How Can I Heal When I'm Sharing My Wife with a Coworker?

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My wife of 14 years takes responsibility for inappropriate communication as to frequency and content with a male coworker close in age, but only as if each "communication occurred in a vacuum" over a 5 month period. The coworker has explicitly stated to my wife that he feels bonded to her. As an example, he emailed my wife the evening of Christmas Eve with non-essential work matter that led to a playful, communicative, exchange and him noting that she is the only one crazy enough to engage him at that time on Christmas Eve on non-essential work. Similar communicative exchange occurred on New Year's Eve leading him to state his gratefulness for their bond. The relationship began in August 2020 and still persists. I have explicitly asked it to remain professional, but my wife is adamant they are friends, the bond is normal, and she didn't have an emotional affair. She admits that the relationship relieves her stress at work because he is carefree, funny, and engaging. He makes her feel playful, fun and attractive. This has not been a secret relationship. How can I personally heal when she is okay with giving me a percentage of her life and reserving a percentage of her life for the coworker?



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I’ve listened to your response about 7 times in the last two days, many thanks for the insight and analysis! My wife has already labeled the affair partner her work boyfriend, and unfortunately, she thinks I should accept it because she wants the relationship with him. To her credit, she has scaled back the communication with him, but doesn’t want to dissolve their emotional bond. They maintain pet names, inside jokes, and don’t have a time or day boundary on communicating. I don’t think a bad seed can bear good fruit. I’ve ordered the book you recommended and I am excited to read it. And the harboring hope course has been excellent as well as my small group. Affair recovery offers a great service!

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