Q&A How Can I Overcome the Rage Resulting from the Affair?

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Question: 

I am so self-righteous and defensive even though my behavior is atrocious. I have thrown fruit, punched him, broken a lamp, broken a window with my first, screamed and yelled profanities, put him down, emasculated and criticized and hated him. I moved out to save us all from my horrible rage. I always saw myself as a woman of self-control and self-respect who rarely argued and had a huge capacity for understanding and compassion. Now I hate myself and my life and my behavior. I want to change and transform my anger and rage into love and joy and wisdom! How? Please help...my poor family - especially my poor son...Poor me... I am killing myself with this rage and anger and negativity. 6 years of being sick, now with and autoimmune disorder.

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Right there

I’m right there with you. I can relate to your questions. I felt as though I was standing outside myself and watching this crazy person doing this rage. I could count on one hand the times in my life when I had experienced this. Now, with my UH’s revealed SA/infidelities, I have experienced more episodes of this craziness than in the last 60+ years of my life. The rage has shown itself and it is difficult to understand that the person who originally signed up to be my “one and only,” blah, blah, blah, is the same person who brought me to this place of rage. It’s scarring. How can I let go of this craziness? The layers of forgiveness? I thought I I knew who I was marrying. Unfortunately, I never knew his broken past because he chose not to disclose that to me. I believed him and trusted him. Sadly, I believed in him.