Q&A How Can I Overcome the Rage Resulting from the Affair?

I am so self-righteous and defensive even though my behavior is atrocious. I have thrown fruit, punched him, broken a lamp, broken a window with my first, screamed and yelled profanities, put him down, emasculated and criticized and hated him. I moved out to save us all from my horrible rage. I always saw myself as a woman of self-control and self-respect who rarely argued and had a huge capacity for understanding and compassion. Now I hate myself and my life and my behavior. I want to change and transform my anger and rage into love and joy and wisdom! How? Please help...my poor family - especially my poor son...Poor me... I am killing myself with this rage and anger and negativity. 6 years of being sick, now with and autoimmune disorder.