Q&A How Can These Two Programs Be Helpful in Such a Mess of a Situation?

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I am 6 months out from D-day 1 and have had 2 more since then. At first, my husband only admitted to acting on his sex addiction for the last year and a half. Then, he later admitted he has been "an addict and a liar" (his words) the whole time I have known him (6.5 years). If he had not disclosed this, no one, including myself, ever would have known. To everyone, he's an amazing Christian man and all around everyone's favorite person, but he has been living a double life. I now know there has been sexual abuse in his childhood by a male relative. I have also come to learn about his extremely toxic family dynamics. The depths and extent of my husband's acting out are too much to type in this question. I only have a very "broad view" of his story. When I told my husband I had more questions, terror filled his eyes. It was like looking into the eyes of a scared child (which makes sense after learning about how people stay emotionally stuck as a result of addiction). It seems he is taking his recovery very seriously (CSAT, group, and sponsor). However, where does all of this leave me? He says he would like to do something like EMSO or EMS Weekend, but does not think he can handle it at this time. We are each doing our own work, but what about the marriage? Is it normal for someone with my husband's background to be too overwhelmed early on in recovery to be able to go to a marriage intensive? Or is he lying to me? Also, I am ambivalent towards the marriage. How can these two programs be helpful in such a mess of a situation? Are there even reasons for me to stay in a marriage with someone who has been an addict the whole time? Thank you for any advice you have as I am pondering next steps now that Harboring Hope is coming to a close.



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