view cart login

Recovery Library Preview

Q&A How Do I Manage the Losses of Everything My Husband Gave Away?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.

To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question:

There will no longer be anything that is unique between only us. My husband gave away our exclusivity, trust, honor and respect, and entrusted his affair partner with our intimacy and more knowledge about our marriage than I had. When we socialized together and she looked me in the eye, she knew I was living a lie and what kind of man he was, when I did not. She knew he did not value our marriage and was willfully deceiving me when I did not. He says he never stopped loving me, but he would never be so cruel to anyone else. I can't wrap my head around him taking pleasure in things that were knowingly and willfully sabotaging our marriage, destroying me as a person, and potentially tearing apart our family. He gave away everything that makes marriage special so I'm struggling to understand what is left. Even if I fully forgive him we will never have any of those things. If he does not value monogamy then what is the point? He says he values that now, but he demonstrated by his actions it was not important when he invited someone else into our marriage. I just don't see how you can turn that on and off. Now we are no longer monogamous by his choice. It can't be undone.

Sections:

Leslie and John's calls

RL_Category:

RL_Media Type:

Video

How Do I Manage the Losses of Everything My Wife Gave Away

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 10/22/2019 - 13:41

Very well put. I feel exactly the same way except in this case it was my wife who gave it all away. I too struggle with the loss of uniqueness in our relationship and the fact that it can't be undone. Now we are expected to forgive and act like nothing happened.

Loss

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 08/04/2020 - 07:20

I am feeling the same way. Years of infidelity and his intimate and ongoing conversations with the affair partner, and his bringing her into our marital bed have left me feeling like nothing we shared is sacred only to us. Her knowledge of my life, family, events, and activities when I knew nothing is so hard to get my mind around. It’s been about 5 weeks since discovery and I’m feeling haunted.

Loss

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 08/04/2020 - 07:20

I am feeling the same way. Years of infidelity and his intimate and ongoing conversations with the affair partner, and his bringing her into our marital bed have left me feeling like nothing we shared is sacred only to us. Her knowledge of my life, family, events, and activities when I knew nothing is so hard to get my mind around. It’s been about 5 weeks since discovery and I’m feeling haunted.

Loss

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 08/04/2020 - 07:20

I am feeling the same way. Years of infidelity and his intimate and ongoing conversations with the affair partner, and his bringing her into our marital bed have left me feeling like nothing we shared is sacred only to us. Her knowledge of my life, family, events, and activities when I knew nothing is so hard to get my mind around. It’s been about 5 weeks since discovery and I’m feeling haunted.

Loss

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 08/04/2020 - 07:20

I am feeling the same way. Years of infidelity and his intimate and ongoing conversations with the affair partner, and his bringing her into our marital bed have left me feeling like nothing we shared is sacred only to us. Her knowledge of my life, family, events, and activities when I knew nothing is so hard to get my mind around. It’s been about 5 weeks since discovery and I’m feeling haunted.

Loss

Submitted by [name hidden] on Tue, 08/04/2020 - 07:20

I am feeling the same way. Years of infidelity and his intimate and ongoing conversations with the affair partner, and his bringing her into our marital bed have left me feeling like nothing we shared is sacred only to us. Her knowledge of my life, family, events, and activities when I knew nothing is so hard to get my mind around. It’s been about 5 weeks since discovery and I’m feeling haunted.

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.

Take the Affair Analyzer

What to read next

Q&A How Do I Get past the Feeling That Our Marriage Is a Lie?

Q&A Will I Ever Love and Desire My Husband Again?

Q&A What Would You Recommend for Spouses Who Lose Their Mate to Suicide during Recovery?

Q&A How Can I Take Control of My Life So That I Can Forgive and Heal?

Q&A What Recommendations Do You Have for Overcoming the Sexual Part of the Affair?