Q&A How Do I Paint a New Picture of Our Marriage?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married 22 years. In my opinion, my husband’s issues with his past abandonment and rejection have led to his self-destructive behavior. The repercussions of these behaviors are immense; an arrest, a lawsuit, and our livelihood put at stake. This being said, I would like to know how to paint a new picture of my marriage and our history. It seems like every time I think about something in the last 22 years, I’m reminded of the tragedy that he brought upon our family. I get very angry. How do I know he’s gotten the help he needs? How to I paint a new picture of our marriage? Right now it still looks like a horrific car accident.

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Our story- Scott and I have been married 22 years. We have a now 20 year old daughter, 18 year old son, and 12 year old daughter. I have been primarily a stay at home mom throughout our marriage. We have amazing children. May 3, 2017 my husband was arrested for recording on a Go Pro our office employee in the restroom. We have a small, yet successful business. A couple days after that arrest, he told me that he has been struggling with an addiction to alcohol and porn. I knew that Scott had a terrible upbringing. Long story short, neither parents raised him. Mom actually let adoptive dad beat him and his brother. She actually left that husband and left Scott and his brother to be raised by adoptive dad, who beat them. Biological father left when he was 2 and never showed an interest in his life. I had no idea the struggles (emotional, alcohol and porn)he was having. He was very good about keeping that a secret. We are both Christians and have seen God’s love and mercy over the past year and a half. He told me that that was everything. Our lawyer recommended that he have a psychosexual evaluation. The results of that revealed more. Masturbation (weekly) throughout our entire marriage! I never turned him down for sex. 6 months after the arrest I required that we do an intensive recommended by Focus on the Family. I went with the doctor that does a polygraph test. Before he took that test, he revealed to me that he had 2 basically (because one he had sex with a couple times while the kids and I were out of town) 1 night stands. The one night stands occurred in 2003 and 2008.