Q&A How Do We Handle All of Life's Issues without Losing Focus of the Infidelity?

My husband and I are spending countless hours reading, talking, watching videos, working with counselors, etc. to heal from his 5 month affair. It's been 7 months from D-day and we've been able to uncover a lot of his low self-esteem issues, childhood abuse, narcissism, negative perceptions that were major contributing factors to him having an affair out of nowhere (started on a drunken bachelor weekend away) during a time that was seemingly a happy time in our 17 year marriage. I truly want to help him through all of that and help him become a better person. He really wants me to heal and I think this work will lead to that. My fear is that we often get off track from what he actually did when we spend so much time understanding. Talk of the affair often triggers his guilt and shame and shuts him down or enrages him. I feel I was "punished" for his childhood as he cheated on me not his mother or family of origin where these issues arose. How can we resolve what he actually did to me and how he chose to act out his inner demons in a way that truly hurt me while allowing him to tackle those demons?