Q&A Is It Ever Okay for the Wayward Spouse to Contact the Affair Partner to Apologize for Their Behavior Towards Them?

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I discovered my husband's 3-month emotional affair 7 months ago, and discovered that it was also sexual almost 6 months ago. He has lied at every possible juncture, as I uncovered and confronted him on all kinds of things. My husband also committed a serious financial infidelity three years ago, in which he had been lying to me for four years prior to that until he got caught. Since the second D-day 5 1/2 months ago, he has insisted he hasn't been in contact with his affair partner since and that he broke it off with her before I discovered it. Yet this evening I asked him if I could see his phone, and there was a call log from her from today. He says she messaged him yesterday and that he called her to apologize for leading her to believe he loved her and would leave me and our kids for her and that the affair was a grave mistake. They talked for 40 minutes. He says he felt relief in apologizing for what he did. Yet he deleted the text and says he wasn't planning to tell me about that or the phone call. He had promised, in front of our therapist, that he would tell me if they were in contact and I believed him. He says I should focus on why they talked today not the fact that he didn't tell me. I fear this man cannot stop the lies.



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