Q&A Should I Have the Wayward Spouse Break off the Affair in Front of Me?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.

Question: 

My husband has been soliciting prostitutes for nearly 5 years. A few months before I discovered everything, he had started online dating while being overseas. He slept with one woman through the website on my birthday who was also looking for casual hook ups. There was another girl that he video chatted and phoned for a total of over ten hours in six weeks and sent countless texts. He had lied to her that he was in a complicated relationship and had relocated. They said I love you to each other. My husband sent really romantic texts to her. He finally told her that he wanted to go back to his family but would always miss her and remember her as a beautiful missed opportunity. He promised to call her last thing before leaving in 4 weeks that he did from the departure lounge. Now my husband says to me that that girl meant nothing to him and he said all those things to get her into bed and when he realized she wasn’t going to meet and have sex easily he excused himself out of the situation as above. He denies having any emotional attachment to her and was trying to see other women while talking to her, but he says that he liked to hear that she loved and respected him. That girl knew he was a womanizer and a drunkard. How could she respect a man like that? I believe my husband had an emotional affair with her but he completely denies it. He has admitted to everything else but this. He says he can call her in front of me and tell the truth? Do you think it’s a good idea? It may lessen the fire going on in my heart.

Sections: 

RL_Category: 

RL_Media Type: 

Please explain-

Thank you very much. Your reply is quite similar to what my husband tells me and coming from you means a lot to me. Can you please tell me if he had no feelings for her and didn’t care about her (he says she wasn’t more than a prostitute for him, although he knew she wasn’t gonna sleep with him easily, he would do dirty talk with her and get a “high”) why did he tell her when he spoke to her for the second last time that he would call her just before leaving the country (which was in three weeks at that point) to say goodbye whereas he could have just finished everything then and there. And he did keep his promise and called her from departure lounge although he is generally so forgetful and wouldn’t even remember calling his mother from the airport. And it was a good six minute conversation which is way longer than what you need to say bye. My husband says he “doesn’t remember” what he exactly said but he did it to show what a great gentleman he was. The girl although heart broken seconded his “choice” of going back home and “working on his marriage” and they both said they would always cherish the times they spent talking. Although my husband completely lied to her about us having any issues at that point and just used it to cover his lies that he had relocated to her country but still I feel as if my husband is back with me because of the grace of this woman hunting for men on a dating website and my husband truly cared for her. Because a man who broke every promise he made before God with his own wife, can’t be fulfilling it for someone who meant nothing to him. And how could her validation of him could mean anything to him when he knew what kind of a person he truly was and what he was doing to his own kids and wife.

I visited my husband while he was overseas for two weeks out of the total four months he had to spend there. Even in those two weeks he kept on making us wait at home and stayed back at work for an extra hour to speak to her although it was clear to him sex wasn’t happening with her. does that not mean he cared for her more than he cared for his own family? He completely denies it. It’s true though that he was talking to another woman around the same time and seeing prostitutes too.