Q&A Can Our Sexual Relationship Heal or Should I Change My Expectations?

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Hi Rick,

We are 2 years from discovery, have done EMS, and are halfway through married for life. We are communicating better than ever and trust is being rebuilt. The problem is our sex life. My husband is a recovering sex addict and while he enjoys sex with me, I feel he has sex with me more out of duty than desire. He is very affectionate outside of the bedroom and at least a couple of times each week, he mentions how much he wants to be intimate --- but it is always for "later" or "the weekend". I'm starting to feel that I am being weirdly led on, teased, and put off. I feel like sex with me is on his "to do" list -- I don't think it is comparable to say vacuuming or yard work but I feel that it is on a "responsibilities" list -- but even then, I have to initiate sex most of the time. When I ask him about this, he gets defensive or denies that there is a problem. In the past, he stated he "threw the baby out with the bathwater" -- meaning all sexual desire was stopped as he reigned in his addiction. How long must I wait for him to "heal"? Is there any chance of a normal relationship, should I change my expectations, or leave this relationship? I know he has a sex drive because he was all about prostitutes. His ongoing lack of interest and initiation is a deal breaker for me.



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