Q&A What Does Consent to Sex Look Like in Marriage?

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When I am angry or emotional I don't withhold sex on purpose but I feel turned off I guess. We are 2 years post d day and doing ems online. Last night is a good example of this issue. We'd had a difficult night discussing various issues in our relationship and my husband still wanted sex but I didn't. This turned into hours of him 'trying' by touching me, trying to pull my pants down , me saying no. Then by nearly 1am he said he needed to have a crank to get to sleep so started and then pulled my pants down again. I just gave in at that point to get it over with. We usually have sex 5 times a week often everyday and sometimes up to 3 times a day. This is his sex drive not mine. But I do enjoy and want to have sex maybe 3 times a week. I don't really get to say no.. and I feel like his multiple affairs and sexual encounters are perhaps a sex addiction that he is now acting out with me. Is there something wrong with me? I feel like I should be able to say no and that's the end of it. But it never is. I have no idea what to do and this has been an issue for most of our marriage but since the affairs I just mostly give in and say nothing. This doesn't feel like love though.

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Normal sex drive my big toe

I am sorry, but what she is describing sounds to me like disrespect, objectification and selfishness, which most definitely is not anything that resembles love. It also sounds like he is a sex addict. I mean really, he wants sex up to 3 times a day sometimes every day? Rick, I am disappointed that you did not point out strongly that this is most definitely NOT normal behavior or a normal sex drive for men and warn her about the possibility that he is a sex addict, which requires a specialized approach to treatment with great desire on his part to be healed and a great commitment of his time. AND, his behavior is emotionally and physically abusive and she needs to separate from him before he robs her of any more of her self-respect, her voice, her safety and her dignity as a precious child of God and not an object to be used by any man.

Rick/counselors please address her real question & trauma here!

I appreciate what Rick addressed in the video but I perceive that it is jumping past the sexual trauma he is doing to her and I am so confused and extremely concerned (especially since we signed up for EMSO and I have been subjected to non-consentual sex for most of my marriage as well and I thought this course/Affair Recovery would help the husband see that this is wrong and why he thinks it is ok and how he can change if he is willing) Why didnt Rick say it is wrong for him to do that? Do the affair recovery counselors believe that non consentual sex is ever ok? And why didnt Rick address that the husband clearly stated that he wants to just use her? I am so distraught that this is potentially going to be told to me that it is permissible or acceptable. Rick didnt answer the question she asked "what does consent to sex look like in marriage?" My husband the unfaithful threatens abandonment every time he doesnt get sex (When we are having healthy moments it is 2-3x per week) and he doesnt believe that I have equal say in having sex and I cannot survive if I'm expected to continue to live with this abuse and trauma. Please please please help!

She doesn't need to read more books

Rick's answer to this question is, in my opinion, more damaging. This woman's husband is abusive. Having her read more books to understand the generalized female sexuality and then presenting material to her husband is so off base. He doesn't respect her or her boundaries. He is using control and manipulation. This is abuse.
I realize this video was made 7 years ago (but not 70!), and I do hope the team at AR has updated their views on empowering men and women into what real safety looks like.

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-D, Texas