Q&A Can We Recover, or Is This Betrayal Too Much?

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My husband and I have been married for 30 years. In April of last year I discovered that he was having an affair. It was his second one. The first one was at the beginning of our marriage, we hadn't even been married a year. That one lasted 2 years. Fast forward 28 years. New woman, new affair. After 8 months of lies and trickle truth, we settled on this affair lasting for 4 years. I also discovered there were other women he tried to get with on his job. Two weeks ago, the latest AP texted me with an apology, saying how sorry she was that the relationship lasted so long. She says it was 18 years, not 4. I am devastated yet again. I don't know if I can believe this. My husband was furious that she contacted me and says it's a lie. Then he said what difference does it make how long it lasted. But he says it definitely wasn't that long.Our marriage therapist agrees that the length of the affair shouldn't matter. I don't agree with that at all. 4 years is bad enough, but 18? How can I ever trust him again? Our whole marriage would have been a lie. Nothing but a lie! We are enrolled in ESMO, and will start classes next week and while he is hopeful, I am numb. I was getting better until that text message. Our therapist says the woman was having fun at my expense. She's miserable and hates that he won't give her the time of day. Could he walk away from an 18 year affair that easily? It was over within 3 weeks of discovery. Can ESMO help us? Or is this betrayal too much? If it was indeed 18 years, I doubt I can forgive that.



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