Q&A Has Affair Recovery Considered a Bible Study for Those Struggling with Their Identity and Relationship with Christ?

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Question: 

I was unaware of the affair until 14-15 years after the 2-year affair occurred. We’ve now been married 32 years so basically I feel as though I’ve been a fraud by mis-representing my marriage bond, my identity, and my walk with God. I know there is a spiritual battle ongoing in my heart. When I learned of the affair 20 months ago I was just sharing with my spouse that the doctor suspected I had cancer. I did. Then three months ago I learned that there was much more my spouse hadn’t shared. I have dealt with several major surgeries since August 2018 and overcame cancer in the midst of it all. My spouse agreed to EMS Online and we finish that course this week. I’ve gained so much from the class however I have lost my spiritual spirit. I struggle to be my normal Jesus sharing loving fun bubbly self. Has Affair Recovery considered a bible study for those struggling with their identity and relationship with Christ? I would be so blessed to me in a study with other betrayed spouses where we could find our way back with others that are in my shoes. I’m really struggling to regain my strong bible guided spirit.

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Thank you for sharing this

Thank you for sharing this Rick; praying for a return to good health as we need your voice and experience!

I answered Christ’s call when I was 32, 32 years ago! It’s been a journey. Coming to Christ later in life and having been redeemed from the crazy choices I made in my 20s has really helped me to process my husband’s unfaithfulness. I made a lot of really bad choices in my younger years and they never brought me peace or happiness, in fact just the opposite. Choosing to marry my husband was the best decision of my life, and for 22 of our 26 years of marriage he was faithful and loyal.
About 3 weeks before D-day I felt like I was in a spiritual desert of my own making. I was living life distant from God and felt unprepared for any future battles, my armor had grown rusty. So I started a daily year long bible study and podcast called the Bible Recap - so good! For about 3 weeks I did this every morning, in fact the morning my husband confessed I was in the middle of Job. Coincidence? I think not. So many moments after that terrible day I thought about Job’s suffering. I’m sure like me he said to God, “I’m your servant and I’ve been following you faithfully, how could you allow this in my life?” I spent about 5 minutes angry at God, but I knew He never promised me an easy life, He just promised He wouldn’t forsake me. I’m so thankful that He’s been close, not distant from me in the last few months. I’m so glad I answered the call of the Holy Spirit to seek after God again and know Him better through His word. I believe it was the Holy Spirit at work that brought about the discovery of the infidelity. The Holy Spirit dwelling in me is the same Holy Spirit dwelling inside of my husband; He wasn’t going to allow the life-killing actions of my husband to continue. I didn’t know it, but my husband had come to a place of hopelessness and was praying he’d die on the job (he’s a firefighter/EMT).
Fast forward 4.5 months. My husband and I are in a good place. We’ve been seeing a great counselor 1-2 times a week, we’re on week 4 of EMSO, my trust in him is returning, every morning without fail we do the Bible study together, and we pray together multiple times throughout our day. My husband has taken full ownership of his actions and is grieving over his stupid decisions. I’ve forgiven him and we are reconciling. More importantly, I have changed. As I’ve become more intimate with God, I’m more intimate with my husband. I realize now how much I had pushed them both away in my woundedness. For years I isolated my heart from truly loving as I should have loved, I was deceiving myself. My part in the infidelity was in pushing my husband away, and he chose a destructive way to deal with the rejection. Even though I’m hurt to my core, I’m also experiencing a new found freedom in my relationship with both God and my husband.
I’ll end this lengthy reply with my favorite Oswald Chambers quote:
“The Spirit of God is always the spirit of liberty; the spirit that is not of God is the spirit of bondage, the spirit of oppression and depression.
The Spirit of God convicts vividly and tensely, but He is always the Spirit of liberty.
God who made the birds never made birdcages; it is men who make birdcages, and after a while we become cramped and can do nothing but chirp and stand on one leg.
When we get out into God’s great free life, we discover that that is the way God meant us to live ‘the glorious liberty of the children of God’.”