My wife and I dwell on the "Why" I was unfaithful four times during our 38 years of marriage. I was previously married. My first marriage of 7 years was my first sexual experience and unhealthy. Sex occurred every 4 - 5 months. My sexual advances were unwanted and I was left feeling inadequate and frustrated. My first affair was 5 years into that marriage with a married women who expressed desire to me. That sexual experience was enlightening and changed my opinion of sex. It felt good and correct. There was desire, passion and a feeling of being wanted. After my first marriage ended I met my current wife. Sex was good between us but the first opportunity, where another women aggressively showed desire and physically offered herself to me, I did not say no and began my first of four additional affairs. All 4 were with women who made known their desires with no reservations. The affairs were infrequent sex acts over a period of year or so. No intimacy, passion or affection and I never thought to say no. The experiences did eventually lose appeal and end but with very little quilt or shame. Once discovered I find my actions horrible and terribly confusing. I hate myself. Did my experience with my first wife create some kind of sexual imprint causing me an inability to see the wrongness of my actions or to say no?