I hear you on this, but how can this apply if the unfaithful said and did things during the affair that literally put you in a situation to make you feel like a second choice? Told the AP they loved her, talked about marriage with her, even brought my kids secretively to meet her, called her on Mother’s Day and ignored me. Asked for a divorce, but then wouldn’t let me leave, and said we would work on the marriage, all to keep both things possible while he decided. Gaslighting and being emotionally and mentally abusive telling me I was the reason everything was wrong, not that he was having an affair. It wasn’t until her lies stacked up, and he finally saw her a bit clearer after being kicked out of the house that he made some decisions. How does that not make someone feel like a second choice?