Q&A How Can I Rebuild Trust and Become Vulnerable Again?

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Just this week, almost two months after D-Day, a lot of large and small lies about the affair were revealed, after I discovered proof of some of the lies. So many times, throughout our recovery, I have told my husband how damaging it would be to me, how much it would set me back in my difficult recovery, if he had lied to me about any of it, and how I wanted him to just tell me everything and correct any lies. I have thanked him for every painful truth he has told me and done everything I can to create a safe environment for disclosure. When I asked him specific questions, he lovingly looked into my eyes and reassured me he had told the truth about the details, about when contact ended, and when the physical relationship began. I now know those were lies. I feel the past two months of recovery was built on lies. I feel my hope for our recovery has been taken away from me and that I can't trust anything he says. He is a very convincing liar and I don't see how trust can possibly be restored if I can't trust any of his most sincere statements. How can we rebuild trust? How can I possibly believe I have the full story now? We are signed up for EMSO and I am trying to commit to working on this marriage, but I can't change him and can't feel safe with him when everything is a lie. We were reconnecting and finding comfort in each other before this last D-Day, even in physical intimacy, but now I feel myself not wanting physical or emotional contact or comfort from him. He promises to work on honesty and I have told him how I feel, but says his instinct has been to lie, to deny, to minimize facts and stick to a lie once he has told it. Is there hope? How can I find it and allow myself to be vulnerable again?



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