Q&A How Can I Regain Trust after so Much Deception?

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Question: 

My husband and I have been married for 18 years. We separated briefly in 2006 during which time he immediately began 2 physical affairs. I managed to forgive him for that and move on. Only to find out 12 years later that he's been unfaithful to me our entire marriage. My husband identifies as a sex addict. We have completed EMSO and I have completed Harboring Hope. My husband currently goes to SAA meetings and is doing 12 step. During our entire marriage I always thought my husband was devoted to me. I always thought he was a really good husband. He was always very active in our children's lives and we did everything together as a family. Almost all of his acting out was done during business travel. My problem is that I can't trust his expressions of love for me. I always thought they were real before. Now often times when he says that he loves me I feel triggered or his attentiveness makes me think that I'm being fooled again. When I learned of all of the infidelity over about 7 months I almost couldn't believe it I had no idea. No idea. Our D-Days this year were in April July August and October. How can my husband help me regain trust in him after almost 19 years of lying and deception? He is a very very good liar. I have seen so many changes in him that are positive. Why isn't it enough for me?

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