As the unfaithful spouse my biggest hurdle is forgiving myself. I feel my spouse might be closer to forgiving me than I am. I wanted myself to pay for the pain I caused her and everyone else. There was a time I felt I should pay with my life. As we started moving forward into recovery I asked if I could stay in a tent in the front yard. I felt it would relieve her of some of the anxiety of worrying where I was at night, if she could look out the window and see where I was, she could sleep easier. I also felt if I suffered by sleeping outside it would make both of us feel better that I was suffering for my past actions. I am slowly moving forward to forgiving myself. I've taken steps in recovery through Affair Recovery,12 step programs, sex addicts workshops, through the study of God's word, and commitment of not hurting my mate. I can't be a better person in the future, if I am stuck in the past. I don't want to live in fear and bitterness the rest of my life. I am ready to forgive and move past this, just not sure how. I'm not asking how I gain forgiveness from my wife. I am asking how do I move forward in forgiving myself?