Q&A How Do I Wrap My Mind around My Mate’s Sexual Addiction?

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Question: 

My husband not only revealed he had about a 6 week affair to me but that he has also been a very active out of control sex addict during our entire marriage. I don't know how to deal with knowing he has been with what he says has been thousands of women. Multiple women a day sometimes. I'm overwhelmed & am in disbelief. He says that he is not exaggerating with those numbers. He traveled for his entire career for business so he had all the opportunity he could want. Help. Life doesn't seem real.

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Rick's response

Thank you for the response. We are in the midst of the EMSO course & have started the journey of healing. We both know it is going to be a long process. He is attending SAA 12-step group & I have joined Al-anon. I will find & read the book you recommended. I desperately want to understand this addiction & how to not only support him but how to support myself. Again, thank you. I am a hurt wife but with God's grace & mercy we can both heal.

It feels like a total lie

After I discovered my BF cheated on me for four years with hundreds of ppl (he travels ~250 days/year), I really did come to think of those years as a total lie. I discovered that I was sometimes on the couch next to him, while he communicated with potential acting out partners. So, even when he was with me, he was plotting and planning to have sex with others. One web cam model had his heart in addition to his wallet. They became very close. He would tell her all the time that he loved her, and she would tell him the same. But, he never told me that. They talked on the phone all the time! He lavished her with expensive gifts during those 4 years (yes, she had a wish list on Amazon, and he bought her all kinds of things, like televisions, airline vouchers, clothes, perfumes, etc). He never gave me anything. I actually feel like she was the “real” GF, and I was a doormat of an acting-out partner. I feel I am being charitable calling those years a complete lie.