Q&A How do We Figure Out the Justifications?

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Rick, you have said that in Discovery, one of the things the unfaithful should be able to explain is how they justified their affair. This is something that I'm still struggling to understand nearly a year and a half into recovery. My husband says he always knew it was wrong; he never convinced himself it was ok, and he was not unhappy or dissatisfied with our marriage in anyway. When I ask how a moral person such as himself gave himself permission to do something he knew was wrong, he says he just did. This has left me feeling as though there is no reason to believe he won't do it again, or that he is still hiding something from me. If he can do something (for 5 years!) that he knew was wrong, and just "not think about it" and compartmentalize it away, simply because he believed he wouldn't get caught, why would he NOT do it again? I need your advice. Is this something he should be working on to figure out? Or is this another thing that I need to work on?



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